Most scenes together: Barbarella & Pygar (18), Pygar & Great Tyrant (5), Pygar & Dildano (4)
Ye who have chosen to die, be welcome! To terminate the bitterness of life, you are entitled to select from three exciting and surprising forms of death, one of which awaits beyond each of the doors you see before you. Should you fail to choose, you will be given to the Mathmos. There is no appeal.
Barbarella?
Mr. President!
Love.
Love.
Don't trouble yourself. This is an affair of state.
Mark Hand And now, Barbarella... don't you agree with me? That in some things, the old-fashioned ways are best after all?
What? Oh, that. Yes, I must admit it was rather... interesting. Still, I see what they mean by saying it's distracting.
Tell me, my fancy, fuzzy freak — what do you think of, when you make love to Barbarella?
Make love? I do not understand.
Don't be coy with me — you are in no position. If only you had one eye in your head...
... you would see what a delight I am! My face, my body — all my things are a delight! An exquisite delight.
What is it you want?
I shall share my delights with you. You shall make love to me.
An angel does not make love. An angel is love.
Then you're a dead duck. Guards! To the Mathmos with this winged fruitcake!
Where are we?
In the Mathmos, and alive!
I can see that, but why?
It seems the Mathmos has created this bubble to protect itself from your innocence.
. . .
You are so good, you made the Mathmos vomit.
Pygar, come. Tell me what that means.
"Chamber... of Ultimate... Solution".
I don't like the sound of that.
The password — quickly!
I don't understand!
Are you not a political prisoner?
I don't think so.
Then you're not one of us.
I'm from Earth.
Earth! Planet of the revolutions! W-w-will you join our cause?
What cause? Who are you?
I-I'm Dildano, head of the revolutionary forces. This is our headquarters.
. . .
I suppose you realize you've saved my life.
A life without cause is a life without effect.
Well, I-I'm sure I could get you a substantial recompense from my government.
Earth woman. Shall I tell you what I would like?
No! No, not like that! Like on Earth, on-on-on Ea— on Earth! The pill! I-I-I have the pill!
But... uh... Couldn't we do it your way? I don't want to change your traditions.
I'm from the planet Earth. My name is Barbarella.
But you're soft and warm! We're told that Earth beings are cold.
Concierge I don't believe it! Wretched, wretched girl! What have you done to my Exsexive Machine?! You've undone it! You've undone me! Look! The energy cables are shrinking! You've turned them into ****s! You've— you've burned out the Exsexive Machine! You've blown all its fuses!
I'm so grateful for what you've done, I hardly know how to begin to thank you. I'm positive I can get you some sort of recompense from my government. I mean, if— if there's anything you need, or that I can do, please tell me.
Mark Hand Well, you could let me... make love to you.
"Make love", did you say?
Mark Hand Yes!
What do you mean? You don't even know my psychocardiogram!
Mark Hand Eh?
Well, on Earth, for centuries, people haven't made love unless their psychocardiogram readings were in perfect confluence.
. . .
Do you have any pills?
Mark Hand Pills?!
Oh, never mind. I have some here.
Mark Hand Uh, b-b-uh... what is this pill?
It's an exhaltation transference pellet, of course.
Mark Hand Hmm. I know nothing of this.
I see. Well, on Earth, when our psychocardiogram readings are in perfect confluence, and we wish to "make love", as you call it, we take an exhaltation transference pellet, and remain like this — here, let me show you...
... for one minute, or until full rapport is achieved.
. . .
Mark Hand Ah! I don't care for that!
Mark Hand This! This is what I mean. This! The bed.
That?! But nobody's done that for centuries! I mean, nobody except the very poor, who can't afford the pills and the psychocardiogram readings.
Mark Hand Why not?
'Cause it was proved to be distracting and a danger to maximum efficiency! And... and because it was pointless to continue it when other substitutes for ego support and self-esteem were made available.
Wake up, Your Majesty! You must wake up!
Vade retro, Earth girl! I know you don't really exist.[N]
That may be, Your Majesty, but we'd better stick to what we see.
Our rendezvous point will be at 1600 hours. And our password will be... "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".
You mean, the secret "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch"?
Exactly.
The time is right! The Queen is in her Chamber of Dreams.
What about the key?
Ah, the key.
Where?
It's invisible, of course. Only an invisible key can open an invisible wall.
She sleeps alone in a room above the Mathmos, surrounded by a wall of impenetrable energy, to which she alone has the secret key. There exists, however, a second secret key, which my agents have located, and is now in my possession. You want to discover the whereabouts of Durand Durand. I want to capture the Black Queen. You follow my meaning.
If you really do have the second secret key... why haven't you used it already?
Ah!
Ah. Ah — ah! Because our forces have not as yet been strong enough! The capture of the Black Queen, ah... has to be associated with a military... coup! Hmm. With your weaponry and spacecraft, this can be brought about. With the Black Queen in your control, you can get her to divulge the whereabouts of Durand Durand!
Yes, I see.
That's screaming! A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.
