Boy, what a great-looking place. When I used to dream about going to college, this is the way I always pictured it.
Jason Melon Wait a minute. When did you dream about going to college?
When I used to fall asleep in high school.
Played by Keith Gordon 
Back to School (1986) · 18 quotes
Back to School (1986) · 18 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Back to School (1986): in 4 of its 18 quotes
Most scenes with: Thornton Melon (4)
Scenes with Jason Melon
4 scenes Jason Melon When's our first class?
Jason Melon Uh, we got Economics tomorrow at 11 o'clock.
11 o'clock? No good. I got a massage 11 o'clock. Tell 'em to make it 2 o'clock.
Jason Melon No, dad. Uh, you don't get it. They're not gonna re-schedule the classes around your massage.
All right, 11 o'clock, but I'm gonna talk to that Dean. I mean, these classes could be a REAL inconvenience.
Player #1 Hey, Lutz! You know who I am?
Derek Um, let me see. Uh, protruding supra-orbital ridges. [the football player picks up Derek by his shirt] Small cranium. Uh, 1300 cc brain. Hmmm. Neanderthal Man!
Player #1 [to Jason]
You. I want you to call his mother. You tell her he's never coming home.
Jason Melon Whoah. Hold it, hold it. You sure you even got the right guy? I mean, look how many people got blue hair these days. You know?
Player #1 Shut up, meat-head!
Hey, take it easy, will ya? I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head.
Player #1 Yeah? Wanna make something of it?
Oh, no, no. I never get physical. I just get upset. And when I get upset...
Lou [Lou takes a metal napkin holder and crushes it with one hand] [stepping up to the player]
You got a problem?
Player #1 No. I haven't got a problem.
Lou Well, now you do.
[Lou slugs the football player in the stomach, resulting in a full scale bar brawl with the football team]
Jason Melon Dad, why don't join me on a little reality break, ok? Just cuz you're in love with Dr. Turner, that does NOT mean you're gonna pass her course. Now, you got a major paper comin' up on Kurt Vonnegut. You haven't even read any of the books.
I tried...
Jason Melon So, how you gonna write the paper then, huh?
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
[Jason opens the door to see Kurt Vonnegut standing there] [removing his hat]
Hi, I'm Kurt Vonnegut. I'm looking for Thornton Melon.
