Hey, what is this? You got black soap?
It's for my complexion.
What - are you joining a minstrel show?
Alvy Singer
Woody Allen · 79 quotes
Annie Hall
Diane Keaton · 27 quotes
Rob
Tony Roberts · 3 quotes
Robin
Janet Margolin · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Alvy Singer & Annie Hall (24), Alvy Singer & Rob (3), Alvy Singer & Robin (3)
Annie Hall quotes
Page 2 of 6Hey, you are in a bad mood. You must be getting your period.
I'm not getting my period. Jesus, every time anything out of the ordinary happens, you think that I'm getting my period.
I don't want to put a wad of white powder in my nose. There's the nasal membrane...
You never want to try anything new, Alvy.
How can you say that? Whose idea was it? I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome.
Well, that's sick!
Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You didn't say it couldn't be sick.
I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for Dysentery.
Commentary.
Oh, really? I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.
So what - you-you're not gonna come back to New York?
What's so great about New York? I mean, it's a dying city. You read Death in Venice.
Hey, you didn't read Death in Venice till I bought it for ya.
That's right, that's right. You only gave me books with the word 'death' in the titles.
That's right, 'cause it's an important issue.
Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean you're like New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself.
I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
The failure of the country to get behind New York City is Anti-Semitism.
Max, the city is terribly run.
But I'm not discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin.
No, no, Max. That's a very convenient out. Every time some group disagrees with you, it's because of Anti-Semitism.
Don't you see? The rest of the country looks upon New York like we're Left-Wing, Communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers. I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
The Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card and you'd tell 'em everything.
That movie makes me feel guilty.
Cause it's supposed to.
Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school.
Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase.
Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man...
Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close.
What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.
Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat.
Neat! What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions.
Who cares? Who cares?
Next thing, you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing, you know, he's got his hand on your ass.
You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him.
Dave? You call your teacher David?
It's his name.
It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba?
Alvy, Alvy, you're the one who never wanted to make a real commitment. You don't think I'm smart enough. We had that argument just last month, or don't you remember that day?
Well, I don't know what I did wrong. I mean, I can't believe this. Somewhere, she cooled off to me. Is it something that I did?
Stranger
It's never something you do. That's how people are. Love fades.
What do you mean? You're not going to give up your own apartment, are you?
Of course.
But but but why?
I'm moving in with you, that's why.
Yeah, but you've got a nice apartment.
I have a tiny apartment.
I know it's small.
That's right, and it's got bad plumbing and bugs.
All right, granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs. But you, you say that like it's a negative thing. You know, bugs, uh - Entymology is a rapidly growing field.
You don't want me to live with you.
I don't want you to live with me! Who's idea was it?
'Annie: Mine.
Yeah, it was yours actually, but uh, I approved it immediately.
I guess you think that I talked you into something, huh?
No. We live together. We sleep together. We eat together. Jesus. You don't want it to be like we're married, do ya?
You don't think I'm smart enough to be serious about.
Hey, don't be ridiculous.
Then why are you always pushing me to take those college courses like I was dumb or something?
'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing. You meet a lot of interesting professors. You know, it's stimulating.
Whose Catcher in the Rye is this?
Well let's see now. If it has my name on it, then I guess it's mine.
...You know, you wrote your name in all my books 'cause you knew this day was gonna come.
Well, uh, Alvy, uh, you wanted to break up just as much as I do.
No question about it. I think we're doing the mature thing, without any doubt.
Now look, all the books on death and dying are yours and all the poetry books are mine.
With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana?
Older Man
We use a large vibrating egg.
Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday.
Well, have you ever made love high?
Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love.
It relaxes me.
You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?
Well, what's the difference anyway?
Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentothal. You can sleep through it.
Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time.
You look like a very happy couple...How do you account for it?
Young Woman
I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Boyfriend
And I'm exactly the same way.
So you wanna go into the movie or what?
No, I've got to see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause, 'cause I'm anal.
Ha! That's a polite word for what you are.