David Kessler [to Dr. Hirsch]
Doctor, my memory is fine! It's my sanity I'm beginning to worry about.
Played by David Naughton 
An American Werewolf in London (1981) · 33 quotes
An American Werewolf in London (1981) · 33 quotes
Most-quoted character in An American Werewolf in London (1981): in 27 of its 33 quotes
Most scenes with: Jack (11), Alex (7)
I'm sorry I called you a meat loaf, Jack.
More lines from David Kessler
6 quotes David Kessler David Kessler [to himself, as he realizes he is locked out of Alex's flat]
An American werewolf was found frozen to death today in the heart of London, England.
David Kessler [Trying to get arrested in Trafalgar Square]
Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a ****! Winston Churchill was full of shit! Shakespeare's French! Shit! ****! Piss!
David Kessler [calling home]
Hello? Rachel? Just say yes, you'll accept the charges. Just say yes, Rachel. Is Mom or Dad home? Where are they? Where's Max? You're all alone? Mom and Dad would never leave me alone when I was ten. No, not ten and a half, either. I'm still in London. I'm all better. Look, would you tell Mom and Dad that I love them? I don't care, Rachel, just do it for me. Okay? Good. And, Rachel, don't fight with Max. Well, try. Look, kid, please don't forget to tell Mom and Dad I love them. I love Max and you, too. Well, I do. No, I'm not being weird, you little creep. You promise? Okay. Be a good girl. I love you. Bye.
David Kessler [referring to the occult sign on the tavern wall]
Remember the Alamo.
David Kessler [while transforming]
I didn't mean to call you a meatloaf, Jack!
Scenes with David Kessler
20 scenes David [recalling what the driver told them]
Keep off the moors.
And stay on the road.
David [they look down to see that they have wandered off the road]
Woops.
Do you think she'll meet me in Rome?
David I think Debbie Klein is a mediocre person with a good body.
Debbie is not mediocre and she has one of the great bodies of all time.
David She's a jerk.
You're talking about the woman I love.
David I'm talking about a girl you want to ****, so give me a break.
Well, anyway, do you think she'll be there?
David I don't know.
[like an announcer]
Rendezvous in Rome starring Jack Goodman and Debbie Klein. The love affair that shocked Europe! See torrid lovemaking at its most explicit! See Jack and Debbie expose their lust in the sacred halls of the Vatican! Never has the screen dared....
David If you don't stop, I'm going to kill you.
I have to make love to her. It's very simple. She has no choice really.
David It just fascinates me that you can spend so much energy on someone so dull.
There is nothing dull about that body.
David We've known Debbie what, since the eighth grade? How many years of foreplay is that?
She says she "likes me too much".
[David laughs]
The Slaughtered Lamb?
David Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed fox head on a spear as their symbol?
That's a wolf's head.
David Of course, The Slaughtered Lamb. Why else would they have a severed wolf's head on a spear as their symbol?
That's not a spear. It's a pike.
David A severed wolf's head on a pike as their symbol.
David, before we go in there I want you to know that - no matter what happens to us - it's your fault.
David I assume full responsibility.
Okay.
David Shall we?
David I'm well aware of how pleasant the weather is in Rome at the present time thank you.
Did you get a good look at the man who attacked you?
David I've told you, it wasn't a man. It was an animal. A big wolf or something. A rabid dog.
Yes.
David Look, Dr. Hirsch, I know I've been traumatized, but Jack was torn apart. I saw him. A man can't do that to someone with his bare hands.
You'd be surprised what horrors a man is capable of.
David Did you see Jack?
No. In fact, your wounds were cleaned and dressed before you arrived here.
David Did you talk to the police in East Proctor? Did the cops go to The Slaughtered Lamb?
I really don't know.
David Then why the hell are you so quick to disbelieve me? You yourself said it must have taken incredible strength to tear apart a person like that.
David, please. The police are satisfied. I'm certain that if a monster were out roaming northern England we'd have seen it on the telly.
David You really think I'm crazy, don't you?
Believe me. The Hound of the Baskervilles was an invention of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's. And if you'd read the bloody book, you'd find that Holmes discovered your hound of hell a fraud, a fake. [pause] Now really, David. You're far too intelligent to go on this way. When you return to America I want you to seek out a competent psychiatrist or psychologist or something and stop this nonsense. You'll be leaving this hospital in three or four days, please remain sane. At least until you are no longer our responsibility.
David I keep having these really terrible dreams. They are getting worse and I can't seem to stop them.
David, your dreams will stop. You'll leave England and your bad memories; and then this will all fade away.
David Will you come with me?
What?
David [smiling]
I'm serious. You don't know me and I know nothing about you. We have a perfect relationship.
Now, David, I said I would keep you company, but I meant right here and now.
David Will you think about it?
How did we get from your ba dreams to my taking a holiday with a patient?
David [smiles]
Not just a patient -- me.
You're being awfully forward, aren't you?
David Forgive me, I'm trying to cheer myself up and an affair with a beautiful nurse seemed like just the thing to do it.
David Now I'm embarrassed.
Good. I thought for a moment I was the only embarrassed one in the room.
David, now I know this may be hard for you, but I have to warn you.
David Warn me? Will you get out of here, you meat loaf?
I'm a grisly sight, it's true; but I love you and that's why I'm here. You've got to know.
David If you love me so much, Jack you'll realize how disconcerting it is to share one's breakfast with the living dead!
We were attacked by a werewolf.
David I'm not listening! [covers ears]
On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf.
David Shut up, you zombie!
I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted.
David What's wrong with you? Shut up!
The wolf's bloodline must be severed; the last remaining werewolf must be destroyed.
David Will you be quiet?!
It's you David.
David What?!
You survived and now you shall continue the curse.
David What are you talking about? I won't accept this! Get out! Goddamnit!
Remember what that guy at The Slaughtered Lamb said? `Beware the moon.'
David Stop it, Jack.
Beware the moon. The full moon, David. You've got two days.
David Jack, please go away. Please go away.
You'll stalk the streets of London a creature of the night.
David You're talking like Boris Karloff! It's movie dialogue!
David, please believe me. You will kill people, David. You've got to stop the bloodshed before it begins.
David Nurse!
Listen to me! Take your own life, David. It's our only chance.
David Nurse!
The supernatural! The powers of darkness! It's all true. Take your own life! Suicide, David. Join me.
David Nurse! Oh God! Alex!
It's cold, David, and I'm so alone. The undead surround me. Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring! I'm lonely! Kill yourself, David, before you kill others...Beware the moon, David.
David I'm a werewolf.
A werewolf? [She holds him until he calms] Are you better now?
David I'll let you know the next full moon.
David What are you doing here?
I wanted to see you.
David Okay, you've seen me. Now go away.
David, I'm sorry I upset you yesterday, but you must understand what is going on.
David I understand all right. You're one of the undead and I'm a werewolf.
Yes.
David Get out of here, Jack!
David, tomorrow night is the full moon. You'll change, you'll become....
David A monster. I know, I know.
You must take your own life now, David, before it's too late.
David Jack, are you really dead?
What do you think?
David I think I've lost my mind. I think you're not real. I think I'm asleep and you're a part of another bad dream.
You must believe me.
David What, Jack? That tomorrow night beneath the full moon I'll sprout hair and fangs and eat people? Bullshit!
The canines will be real. You'll taste real blood! Goddamnit, David, please believe me! You'll kill and make others like me! I'm not having a nice time, David! Don't allow this to happen again! You must take your own life!
David I will not accept this! Now go away!
...
This is not pretend, David.
David I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!
David Alex, I've lost my mind. I woke up at the zoo! But you know what? I feel terrific!
The zoo?
David Waking up at the zoo, that's not so insane. Having clothes on? That's insane. What did I do last night, Alex?
Don't you remember?
David I said goodbye to you. I was locked out of the flat. I climbed the wall and came in through the bathroom window. I started to read and then I was naked at the zoo! I guess I am out of my **** mind.
Cab driver
It's like the days of the Mad Barber of Fleet Street, isn't it?
I beg your pardon?
Cab driver
The murders.
David What murders?
Cab driver
Last night. Haven't you heard? Six people in different parts of the city mutilated. A real maniac this one.
David Pull over.
David, what are you doing?
David Six people mutilated? It had to be me, Alex.
David, stop!
David I am going to the cops. There's a full moon tonight. Jack was right. I....
Jack is dead!
David Jack is dead. Look, six people have been killed. I'm going to the police.
David, please be rational. Let's go to Dr. Hirsch.
David Rational!?! I'm a **** werewolf, for Christ's sake!
David What can I say, Jack?
You don't have to say anything.
David Aren't you going to say, "I told you so"?
If I was still alive, I probably would.
I want you to meet some people. David Kessler, this is Gerald Bringsly.
David Hello.
Gerald is the man you murdered in the subway. We thought it best you didn't see him as he's a fresh kill and still pretty messy.
Bringsly
[in shadow]
Yes, I do look most unpleasant.
David Why are you doing this to me, Jack?
Bringsly
This isn't Mr. Goodman's idea. He is your good friend, whereas I am a victim of your carnivorous lunar activities.
David Mr. Bringsly, I'm sorry. I have absolutely no idea what to say to you.
Bringsly
You've left my wife a widow and my children fatherless. And I understand that I am to walk the earth one of the living dead until the wolf's bloodline is severed and the curse lifted. You must die, David Kessler.
David, this is Harry Berman and his fiancee Judith Browns. And these gentlemen are Alf, Ted, and Joseph.
Ted
Can't say we're pleased to meet you, Mr. Kessler.
David What shall I do?
Suicide.
Harry You must take your own life!
David That's easy for you to say - you're already dead.
Bringsly
No, David. Harry and I and everyone you murder are not dead. The undead.
David Why are you doing this to me?
Because this must be stopped.
David How shall I do it?
Judith
Sleeping pills?
Alf Not sure enough.
David I could hang myself.
If you did it wrong, it would be painful. You'd choke to death.
Joseph
So what? Let `im choke.
Do you mind? The man's a friend of mine.
Joseph
Well he ain't no friend of mine.
Bringsly
Gentlemen, please.
Harry A gun.
Alf I know where he can get a gun.
David Don't I need a silver bullet or something?
Be serious, would you?
David Madness. I've gone totally mad.
Harry A gun is good.
Judith
You just put the gun to your forehead and pull the trigger.
Bringsly
If you put it in your mouth, then you'd be sure not to miss.
David Thank you, you're all so thoughtful.
Dart Player Go. Stay on the road. Keep clear of the moors.
David Yeah. Thank you.
Chess Player Beware the moon, lads.
It's a full moon...
Beware the moon...
David Keep off the moors.
And stick to the road.
David [they look down to see that they have wandered off the road]
Oops.
David Yeah, great idea.
David I heard that.
What was it?
David Could be a lot of things.
Yeah?
David A coyote.
There aren't any coyotes in England.
David The Hound of the Baskervilles.
Pecos Bill.
David Heathcliff.
Heathcliff didn't howl!
David No, but he was on the moors.
Can I have a piece of toast?
David ...Get the **** outta here, Jack.
Thanks a lot.
David No.. I can't take this... Am I asleep now or awake or what?
I realise I don't look so hot, David... [picks toast] but I though you'd be glad to see me. [beat] David! You're hurting my feelings!
David Hurting your feelings? Has it occurred to you that it might be unsettling to see you rise from the grave to visit me?
Sorry to be upsetting you David, but I had to come. [munch]
David Aren't you supposed to be buried someplace in New York?
Yeah. Your parents came to my funeral. I was surprised at how many people came.
David Why would you be surprised? You were a very well-liked person.
Yeah. I was, wasn't I?
David Well, I liked you.
Debbie Klein cried a lot.
David Oh God, am I asleep now or what?
So.. so you know what she does? She's so grief-stricken she runs to find solace in Mark Levine's bed.
David Mark Levine?
An asshole. Life mocks me even in death.
David I'm going completely crazy....
...DAVID!!
David What!?
Now, I'm really sorry to be upsetting you, but I have to warn you.
David Warn me?
We were attacked by a werewolf.
David [covers ears]
I'm not listening to this!
On the moors. We were attacked by a lycanthrope. A werewolf. [David uncovers ears] I was murdered. An unnatural death. And now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted.
David Shut up!
The wolf's bloodline must be severed. The last remaining werewolf must be destroyed. [beat; points] It's you, David.
David What...?
Please believe me. You'll kill people.
David NURSE!!
Listen to me!
David Nurse..!
The supernatural, the power of darkness — it's all true. The undead surround me. Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring! I'm lonely! Take your life, David. Kill yourself... before you kill others. [David sobs] Please don't cry. [hears nurse coming] Beware the moon, David.
I'll be perfectly honest with you David, I'm not in the habit of bringing home stray, young American men.
David I should hope not.
I find you very attractive - and a little bit sad.
David [in Trafalgar Square]
I want you to arrest me, asshole!
Policeman
There's no call for that kind of language.
David Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a ****! Winston Churchill was full of shit!
Policeman
That's enough.
David No! Let go of me!
David, please!
David Shakespeare's French! ****! Shit! ****! Shit!
Policeman
You keep this up, sir, and I will be forced to arrest you.
David That's what I want you to do, you moron!