John Milner quotes from American Graffiti (1973)

John Milner

You ever get tired of goin' steady with somebody that ain't around - I'm up for grabs.

John Milner

I-I don't think that I can control myself any longer tonight... All night you've been sitting there and you've been so sexy and it's been so hot out here - and I can't wait any longer. [She gives in and reveals her address]

Curt

Why is it every girl that comes around here is ugly? Or has a boyfriend? Where is the dazzling beauty I've been searching for all my life?

John

I know what you mean. The pickin's are really gettin' slim. The whole strip is shrinking. Ah, you know, I remember about five years ago, take you a couple of hours and a tank full of gas just to make one circuit. It was really somethin'.

John

This better be a joke, 'cause I'm not drivin' you around.

Carol

What's the matter? Am I too ugly? Judy doesn't want me with her and now you don't want me with you. Nobody wants me - even my mother and father hate me. Everybody hates me.

Carol

Hey, is this what they call "copping a feel"?

John

What? No. N-O. Sheezus.

Carol

What's your name, anyway?

John

My name? Mud, if anyone sees you.

Carol

Oh, rats. I was hoping I might see some friends here.

John

Probably a couple of weeks past their bedtime.

Carol

Oh, wait, there's Dee Dee. I hope she sees me.

John

Oh, shit. Dee Dee!

Carol

You're a regular J.D.

John

File that under uh, C.S. over there.

Carol

C.S.? What's that stand for?

John

Chicken shit - that's what it is.

Carol

Oh.
[puts the ticket in the glove compartment which is full of similar tickets]

John

Over there, that's Freddy Benson's Vette...he had a head-on collision with a drunk. Boom! Didn't have a chance. A good driver too. Oh, it's pretty grim when a guy gets it and it's not even his own fault... See that over there, that '41? That used to be, believe it or not, the fastest car in the valley. I never got a chance to race Earl though. He got his in 1955 in about the hairiest crash we ever had here. Jesus, you should have seen it. Eight kids killed and both drivers. Board of Education was real impressed see, so they come up, filmed the whole thing. Now they show it in Drivers' Education class. You'll probably see it if you get lucky. Course, it's really tough when they take somebody with them.

Carol

You never had an accident though - you told me.

John

Hey, well I come mighty close. Almost rolled it a couple of times. But, I'm been just quick enough to stay out of this graveyard.

Carol

I bet you're the fastest.

John

I've never been beaten - a lot of guys have tried. It seems to me there's more guys lately than there's ever been.

You got a bitchin' car...In fact, your car's so neat, we're gonna give you our special prize. You want me to give it to ya?

John

Hey sweetheart, if the prize is you, I'm a ready Teddy.

Well, get bent turkey. [throws a water balloon]

Bob Falfa

Hey man, I'm sorry if I scared ya!

John

You're gonna hafta do one hell of a lot more than that to scare me!

Bob Falfa

Hey I've been lookin' all over for ya man. Didn't nobody tell ya I was lookin' for ya?...Hey, you're supposed to be the fastest thing in the Valley, man, but that can't be your car. It must be your mama's car. I'm sorta embarrassed to be this close to ya.

John

I'm not surprised, drivin' a Field Car.

Bob Falfa

Field Car? What's a Field Car?

John

A Field Car runs through the fields, drops cow shit all over the place to make the lettuce grow.

Bob Falfa

That's pretty good. Hey, I like the color of your car there, man. What's that supposed to be? Sorta a cross between Piss Yellow and Puke Green, ain't it?

John

Well, you call that a paint job but it's pretty ugly. I'll betcha you gotta sneak up on the pumps just to get a little air in your tires.

Bob Falfa

Well, at least I don't have to pull over to the side just to let a funeral go by, man.

John

Oh, funny... You know what?

Carol

Your car's uglier than I am! [She turns back to John] That didn't come out right.

Carol

Wow! He's really fast, isn't he?

John

Yeah, but he's stupid.

John

What the hell's goin' on here, Toad? Hey, man, are you all right?

Terry

Yeah, I'll die soon, then it'll all be over, John.

Wow, you're just like the Lone Ranger.

John

Yeah, yeah. Listen, are you with him?

Terry

You're talking to the woman I love.

John

What happened, man?

John

I know, uh... you probably think you're a big shot, goin' off like this... [he slaps Curt] ... but you're still a punk.

Curt

OK, John.... So long... So long!

Terry

Have a good trip!

Laurie

Bye, Curt. Good-bye!