A Thousand Clowns (1965) · 13 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in A Thousand Clowns (1965): in 4 of its 13 quotes
Most scenes with: Murray Burns (3)
Albert Sandra, it's really time we left for Queens.
Sandra Here's the Ledbetter file, I'm staying here.
Albert Sandra.
Sandra I have decided to pursue this case.
Albert Sandra, have we lost all professional control?
Sandra You just -- you just go yourself -- to the Leadbellies -- you go on to Queens.
Albert I was not aware that Nicholas was an O.W. child.
"O.W."?
Albert Out of wedlock.
For a moment there, I thought you meant prisoner of war. I think it's that natural warmth of yours, Albert, that leads me to misunderstand.
Albert Mr. Burns, you can assume at this point that Miss Markowitz is no longer involved with your case. The Board will be informed that she is no longer involved with this particular case. Her continuing here, to discuss your case -- at this point -- is entirely unofficial. You can dismiss any conference -- that may resume after I leave -- when I leave here, from your mind. And regardless of what you think of me--
I think you're a dirty O.W.
Albert And -- do you know what you are? Maladjusted!
Oooh! [strikes heart and sinks to the floor]
Albert Miss Markowitz did not show up in Queens yesterday.
So...
Albert Well, her parents are quite upset. I am quite upset. Where is she?
She’s hiding in the closet.
Albert Now, we’re really all quite anxious to know where she is.
I’m not kidding, Albert, she’s in the closet.
Albert She is in the closet.
I wouldn’t lie to you, Albert.
Albert Why is she in the closet?
I don’t know, uh…she’s got this thing about closets.
Albert Well, that’s a very silly thing for her to be in, that closet.
Well, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Now, what else can I do for you, Albert?
Albert That’s a difficult thing for me to believe...I mean, that she’s right there in the closet. You know, you are not a person, Mr. Burns, you are an experience!
