Wallace quotes from A Close Shave (1996)

Wallace

Have you been peckish during the night? Only, someone's been at me cheese.

Wallace

Well, won't you come in? We were just about to have some cheese.

Wendolene

Oh no, not cheese. Sorry, it brings me out in a rash. I can't stand the stuff.

Wallace

Not even Wensleydale?

Wallace

I suppose you'll have to skip the country, now. A fugitive, eh? You'll be hunted down like a dog.

Wallace

There. Nothing to fret over. Just a quick shampoo. We've tested this on Gromit. Haven't we, lad?
[Gromit nods wearily]

Wendolene Ramsbottom

Your dog's waiting.

Wallace

Aye, I'd better see to him. The bounce has gone from his bungee.

Wallace

Oh, brilliant teamwork, lads!

Wallace

Whoah!

Wendolene Ramsbottom

He's malfunctioning.

Wallace

Mal-what?

Wendolene Ramsbottom

Malfunctioning. Preston is a cyberdog.

Wallace

Cyber-what?

Wendolene Ramsbottom

A robot. Daddy created him for good, but he's turned out evil.

Wallace

What's wrong with Wensleydale? Talking of which, all the more for us. And not a sheep to worry us.

Wallace

Get off me cheese! Get off! Get off! Gromit? Gromit! Go for 'im! Gromit! Oh! Ahhh! Get off with ya! Oh! Shoosh off!

Wallace

Porridge today, Gromit! Tuesday!

Wallace

Mice, do you think? [Gromit is suspecting something] I think I'll make my own porridge. [Gromit begins to look around; picks up the box of porridge, but finds the bottom is bitten, causing the porridge mix fall out] Well, I'll be. [sees the cheese eaten] Have you been peckish during the night? Only someone's been at me cheese.

Wallace

Well, I don't know, there's something very fishy going on. [Gromit sniffs; sees the bitten hole of the newspaper] Huh? Do you think we should get the pest control people in? [telephone ringing; picks up the reciever] Hello, Wallace & Gromit's Wash'n'Go Window Cleaning Service. May we be of assistance?

Wendolene

Hello. Yes, my windows could do with a jolly good clean. The wool shop in the high street. Soon as you can.

Wallace

On our way, madam!

Wallace

Need wool, don't you, lad?

Wendolene

Thank you for coming so quickly.

Wallace

Oh, dear!

Wendolene

Oh, allow me, please.

Wallace

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh! I'll soon have these cleared up. There's no trouble. How embarrassing.

Wendolene

This is Preston, my dog.

Wallace

All right, pooch. [they began to pick up balls of yarn] Won't take a minute.

Oh.

Wallace

Well, I-I..

Wendolene

What was it you wanted?

Wendolene

Ramsbottom, Wendolene Ramsbottom.

Wallace

Oh, charming. I'm Wallace...the windows. Is this place yours?

Wendolene

Mm-hmm. My father left it to me, along with his debts, and a few other things. He was an inventor.

Wallace

Never! Well, I do a bit of that meself.

Wendolene

Oh!

Wallace

I see they still haven't caught those sheep rustlers yet. Still, you've got plenty of wool, eh?

Wendolene

Your dog's waiting.

Wallace

Aye. I'd better see to him. The bounce has gone from his bungee. [gives her the rest of the yarn balls]

Wendolene

Oh, they're spanking. You've done a grand job.

Wallace

Windows are our specialty. [accidentally slams onto the window door]

Wallace

Let's get that kettle on. [sees the whole house a mess] Good grief! What's all this?! Burglars? Thieves? Oh, what a mess! [Gromit goes to the kitchen, but finds the sheep Shaun knawing on the bone, covered up in splattered food] I've never seen anything like it. [sees Shaun] Heavens above, Gromit! Look at this! The Little Chap must be really hungry. Oh, come over here, lad. No need to be sheepish. [laughs] We'll have to get you cleaned up.

Wallace

Oh, do something, Gromit! [then Shaun is put inside the knitting machine] Oh, it's too late now! [clippers buzzing] Turn it off, Gromit! Oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, dear! [the machine collects Shaun's wool to create yarn and creates the sweater, and the other machine puts the small sweater on his head] Brilliant, Gromit! Oh, smashing, this. A bit tight here and there. [then Shaun comes out of the machine, alive and shaved; takes off the sweater] Ah! Looks okay to me. We'll call him Shaun, eh? Come on, Shaun.

Wallace

Back in a thick, Gromit, won't be long.

Wendolene

Tell me about windows.

Wallace

It's only temporary, you understand.

Wendolene

Oh, really?

Wallace

Oh, yes, I'm inventing mostly. Only...

Wendolene

Oh, what sort of inventions?

Wallace

Well, sort of...

Wendolene

Daddy would loved to have met you. Poor daddy.

Wallace

Of all the women I've met... Not that there have been many, you understand...

Wallace

...So you see, what I'm trying to say, in a manner of speaking, is...

Wallace

Of all the ladies I've met... Whoa! Ow! Ow! Same time next week?

Wallace

Caught bang to rights, you were. You've really let us down this time, lad.

Wendolene

I'm sorry about this.

Wallace

For what?

Wendolene

Nothing. Just stay away from me, from my shop, and my silly, silly windows.

Wallace

I...well, I...

Wendolene

Forget me. I'm no good for you. [walks away] I'm so sorry about Gromit. [sobs as she continues to walk]

Wallace

Ooh! We're at maximum speed! She won't go any faster!

Wendolene

Wallace, help me!

Wallace

Don't worry, Wendolene! Everything's under control!

Wallace

Where'd you get that from? That's MY machine! I've got patent pending on that!

Wallace

Well done, Gromit! That'll teach him!

Wallace

Huh? Ah! It's a sheep-mincing thing! Now, that's clever. [Gromit whistles] Huh?

Wallace

By heck! I thought we were all for the can then.

Wendolene

I couldn't pass by without saying thank you. [pushes the buttons on the remote control, and the fixed-up and reformed Preston rolls by] He's just like he used to be.

Wallace

Oh, don't mention it. [Preston gives him a newspaper] Thanks, pooch. Give me a shout if he goes wrong again.

Wendolene

You're very kind.

Wallace

Well, won't you come in? We were just about to have some cheese.

Wendolene

Oh, no! Not cheese. Sorry. It brings me out in a rash. Can't stand the stuff.

Wallace

Not even Wensleydale?

Wendolene

Got to be on our way. Come on, Preston. [a sad Wallace goes back inside; pets Preston] Good-bye... Chuck. [walks off with Preston]