Team America: World Police quotes

View Quote Spottswoode: Baxter, I think we can valmorphanize safely now.
[Baxter presses the valmorphanize button, turning the limousine into a jet ("cool" music), and takes off (Team America theme)]
Gary Johnston: [(grim music)] Okay, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat its own head?
Gary Johnston: No!
Spottswoode: So, then you haven't seen everything. And neither have we.

View Quote Joe: Wadda you think Spottswoode sees in him?
Lisa: I dunno, but I think I see it too.

View Quote Lisa: Terrorize this!

View Quote Kim Jong Il: And now you see: thenew world is inevetabre!
Lisa: It's what?
Kim Jong Il: Inev- inevitabre
Lisa: One more time...
Kim Jong Il: Inevitabre! Things are inevatbry going to change! God dammit, open your ****in' ears!

View Quote Matt Damon!

View Quote Spottswoode: You're going to fool everyone, Gary. Or should I say, Hakmed

View Quote Spottswoode: Come into my car
Gary Johnston: Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to get'n your car and let you put your finger inside me. And if I go down on you, I get a movie part.
Spottswoode: No. I just want to show you something.
Gary Johnston: Yeah I'll bet you do.
Spottswoode: Please, Gary. I'm not from Hollywood, I'm not going to **** your mouth, and my time is extremely valuable!

View Quote You are worthress Arec Barrin! [shoots Alec Baldwin]

View Quote Kim Jong Il: I'm afraid your world is over! [presses the button to set of the WMD's] in five minutes! [Countdown timer appears] Yes! [breaking the fourth wall triumphantly] The ticking crock!!

View Quote Lisa to Gary: You had me at "dicks **** assholes".

View Quote [Gary - wearing a hooded cloak - approaches the gate of Kim Jong Ils palace to rescue his team mates who have been frozen in carbonite, the music resembles John Williams in his finest hour]
Guard: Who the hell you?
Gary Johnston: [waves hand, speaks with soothing deep booming voice in a Jedi Mind-Trick] I'm with the Film Actors Guild, here to help with the broadcast.
Guard: Then you show credentials!
Gary Johnston: [performs the mind-trick once more] Hey, you don't need to see my credentials. I left them at home, and I'm running late!
Other Guard: I berieve him
Guard: Yeah, me too! [...] Have nice day.
[cut to Team Base]
Spottswoode: By God. His acting is better than ever!

View Quote Soldier: Hoi te? Han ching! Pae ja, Hans Brix bo tae so tae ka. [Sir, Hans Blix is here from the United Nations]
Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! [Enter Hans Blix] Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!
Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, and your guards won't let me enter certain areas.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't-have-any-weapons-a-mass-destwuction, 'kay Hans?
Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the U.N.'s collective mind.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, ya-breakin' my balls here, Hans, ya breakin' my balls!
Hans Blix: I'm sorry, but the U.N. must be firm with you. Let me see your whole palace, or else.
Kim Jong Il: Or erse what?
Hans Blix: Or else - we will be very, very angry with you... and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.
Kim Jong Il: Okay, I show you, Hans. You'r ready? Stand a rittre to your reft.
[Hans Blix moves to the left.]
Kim Jong Il: Rittle more.
[Hans Blix moves further to the left.]
Kim Jong Il: Gewd.
[Hans Blix falls into a trap and is subsequently attacked by sharks.]
Kim Jong Il: There you go, Hans Brix. How you rike that, you butt-****ing ****!
[Hans Blix struggles to escape the sharks in vain]
Kim Jong Il: Do you have any idea how ****in busy I am, Hans Brix? Werr, **** you! You want inspection? Werr, inspect that, You butt-****ing piece of shit! What, you think I'm just a petty arms dealer? I'm pranning the attack! Congratulations Team America, you have stopped nothing...

View Quote Sean Penn: Qapla!
All assembled actors: Qapla!
Tim Robbins: [touting a machinegun] I swear they won't reach the stage!

View Quote [Gary and Chris stumble onto a tied-up Susan Sarandon]
Susan Sarandon: Oh thank God. We have to stop the ceremony, Kim Jong Il is mad! Here, let me loose. I will show you where the theatre is.
Chris: Alright.
Gary Johnston: No Chris, stay away from her!
Chris: **** you, she wants to help us!
Gary Johnston: No.. Chris... She's acting.
[Chris looks puzzled]
Susan Sarandon: I am not! The others tied me up because I wouldn't go along with their plans!
Gary Johnston: Your skills are fading with age, Miss Sarandon.
Susan Sarandon: [Screaming like Mr. Garrison] You shall die a peasant's death!

View Quote [Tim Robbins kicks Gary down and Martin Sheen strikes Chris with a adjustable wrench]
Tim Robbins: Actors Out!!
[Actors drop from above one by one stating their name]
Helen Hunt: Helen Hunt!
Samuel L. Jackson: Samuel Jackson!
Matt Damon: Matt Damon!
Samuel L. Jackson: [Kicks Gary while he's still down] Mother****er!