Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby quotes

View Quote You're gonna break us like wild horses, ain't you?

View Quote Aww Nana, not my prison shank.

View Quote If it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather!"

View Quote "No, no, no! He has to know! He's always cryin!"

View Quote Ricky's Co-Worker: Nice denim shorts, dude!

View Quote Reese: Now, there's nothing like driving to avoid jail. Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity. So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue. Now, the way I figure it, you got about 2 minutes before they show up, and you do five to ten. So, what's it gonna be? Fear...or prison?
Ricky: What the hell are you talkin' about?!
Reese: Real simple, son! Cops are comin'! There's a kilo of Colombian bam-bam underneath the car! Time to be a man! You got hair on your peaches or what?

View Quote Walker: Shut up in here, I'm tryin' to sleep!
Texas Ranger: One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!

View Quote Cal: I like to think of Jesus with, like, big eagle's wings, singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with, like, an angel band, and I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk...
Carly: Hey, Cal, why don't you just shut up?
Cal: Yes, ma'am.

View Quote Dick Berggren: Dick Berggren reporting from Las Vegas victory lane for FOX television. Ricky, obviously a huge win for you today, but it seems as if you either win, or crash the car trying to win.
Ricky: Well, Dick, here's the deal: I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. You know, nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a--just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last! You know? You know what I mean? That phrase is trademarked and not to be used without the expressed permission of Ricky Bobby, Inc.

View Quote Cal: [talking to his crew chief over the radio] Hey, Jarvis?
Jarvis: Yeah, Cal?
Cal: If you slept with your best friend's wife, why would he apologize to you?
Jarvis: Yeah, I don't know, Cal. That's weird.
Cal: That's what I'm sayin'! My head's all tied up...like a pretzel! I got a pretzel in my head!

View Quote Jean: Soon you will know what it is like to be defeated by the hands of someone who is truly better than you. As William Blake wrote, "The cut worm forgives the plow."
Ricky: Well, just let me quote the late, great, Colonel Sanders. Who said, "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."
Jean: What has that got to do with this?
Cal: I got a message for all of them, ready? Shake...and Bake!
Ricky: What does that do, does that blow your mind? That just happened!

View Quote Jean: Do you know why I came to America, "Reecky Booby"?
Ricky: Public schools, health care systems, giant water parks, I mean, the same reason anybody comes to America.
Jean: I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky: What the hell are you talkin' about?
Jean: My husband Gregory and I wish for only that which every other couple wishes for: to retire to Stockholm and design a currency for dogs and cats to use. But before I can do that...
Ricky: That's dumb.
Jean: It's not dumb!
Ricky: It is dumb.
Jean: Why is it dumb?
Ricky: I don't know.
Jean: But before I can do that, I must be defeated by a driver who's truly better than me.
Ricky: So you're gonna lose to me on purpose?
Jean: No.
Ricky: No?
Jean: NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart, and you will probably lose, but maybe, juuuust maybe, you might challenge me. God needs the Devil. The Beatles needed The Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my...Katie Couric?
Ricky: Wow. [chuckles] I feel like I'm in Highlander.
[they both laugh] Jean: What is the Highlander?
Ricky: It's a movie.
Jean: Any good?
Ricky: Very good. It won the Academy Award.
Jean: Oh? For what?
Ricky: For best movie ever made. Look, I came here to tell you one thing: Come race time tomorrow, I'm comin' for you, all right?
Jean: May God be with you.
Ricky: Yeah.
Jean: Because although today I am friendly...tomorrow...will be WAR!
Ricky: All right.

View Quote Susan: [telling Ricky why he should get back into racing] It's because it's what you love to do. It's who you were born to be. And here you sit--thinking! Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer, and that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab ahold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years! And it is good! And you use it! And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky! You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?!
Ricky: Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.

View Quote Ricky: Dear Tiny, Infant, Jesus...
Carley: Um, sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and off-puttin' to pray to a baby.
Ricky: Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want.

View Quote Ricky: I'm really gonna open it up now! Whoo! I missed you, Mama Speed! Ricky Bobby's back!
Mr. Dennit: Wait, h--how fast is he going?
Lucius: Uh, 26 miles an hour.
Ricky: What were those things? Were those the other cars?!