Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby quotes

View Quote Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is just around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one [pulls out knife] than the Jack Hawk 9000? Available at Wal-Mart!

View Quote [talking to Reese Bobby] Hello Professor Dickweed.

View Quote Dear 8 pound 6 ounce Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you J?sus...we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino's, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or T.R., as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife, Carley, who is a stone cold fox (Cal: MMMMM!), who if you would rate her ass on 100 it would easily be a 94. I also want to thank you for my best friend and teammate, Cal Naughton Jr, Who's got my back no matter what (Cal: Shake and Bake)

View Quote Dear Tiny, Infant, Jesus...

View Quote Look, I like the baby version the best, you hear me? I win the races and I get the money

View Quote Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...

View Quote Please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!

View Quote I like to think of Jesus as wearin' a Tuxedo T-shirt, 'cause it says, like, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party too." I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.

View Quote [getting thrown out of Applebee's] I'm a veteran! And a diabetic! Applebee's has rats! I found a whole rat in my Cobb salad!

View Quote If you ain't first, you're last!

View Quote [to Ricky's class] You don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher. She wants you to go slow, but it's the fastest who gets paid, and it's the fastest who gets laid.

View Quote Whoa! I gotta lay off the peyote.

View Quote I told you not to put the damn onions on my steak

View Quote Shut up, Chip, or I'll go apeshit on your ass!

View Quote Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!