Superbad quotes

112 total quotes (ID: 561)

Main cast
Officer Michaels
Officer Slater

Set course for Bailey's Bar & Grill, Warp 10 - engage!

Fogell: Can I hold your gun?
Officer Slater: [Pauses for a moment] ...Yeah, sure, I don't see why not.
Officer Michaels: I think everyone should hold a gun at least twice.

Becca: Mmmm, I'm so wet!
Evan: Yeah... they told us that would happen in health class...

Seth: I joined this class because I thought I was going to be cooking with a partner. But she's never here, and I don't get twice the grades for doing all the work.
Teacher: I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth.
Seth: I know, but look at Evan. Just look at him.
Evan: [His partner is tying on his apron] Hey, don't keep me waiting much longer, I'm getting impatient up here.
Seth: I'm over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's B.S. - excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry; I'm like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke - no offense - it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit - and I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel. I don't want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this shitty food - no offense - and I just think that I don't need to cook tiramisu. Am I going to be a chef? No. There's three weeks left of school, give me a ****in' break!...I'm sorry for cursing.
[Teacher is in disbelief of Seth's speech]
Teacher: All right, Jules' partner isn't here either, pair up with her, station four.
Seth: Jules? Alright I'll give it another shot - give home-ec another shot.

Evan: I'm just sick of all the amateur stuff, y'know? I mean, like, if I'm paying top dollar I want a little production value, y'know like some editing, transition, something, some music...
Seth: Yeah well y'know, I'm sorry, Evan, that the Coen Brothers don't direct the porn that I watch. They're hard to get a hold of, okay?

Fogel: Wait for me Nicola! Wait for me on the outside!
Nicola: We were gonna go to Hawaii...

Fogel: I got a boner!
Nicola: Ha ha good. Do you have a condom?
Fogel: Yes...and lube!

Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back problems, man. Anyway, it's like they made them better. They're more... symmetrical, supple, firm.
Seth: Alright, I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.

Seth: I can get you guys alcohol.
Jules: Really? Seriously?
Seth: Yes, for sure.
Jules: That would be awesome. Thank you. You know, because we're worried about that. That would be great. Plus, you know, you scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my ****.

Evan: I still think you have a chance with Jules man. Really I mean she got incredibly hot over the summer and she obviously hasn't realized it yet cause she's still always talking to you and flirting with you and stuff.
Seth: Are you out of your mind! Look at Jules' dating record ok. She dated Dan Remick who's had a 6 pack since like kindergarten, Jason Stone who looks like ****ing Zack Morris, and Matt Muir, Matt Muir, he's the sweetest guy ever! Have you ever stared into his eyes? It was like the first time I ever heard the Beatles.

I had a general outline...I was gonna go down on her for like five hours. She'd love that. She'd be smitten by that.

It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff and I have to hide like every erection I get.

I mean just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff and just like wanted to see them. I mean, you know, that's the world I one day want to live in.

The guy's either going to think "Here's another kid with a fake I.D." or "Here's McLovin...the 25 year old Hawaiian organ donor".

Holy shit they busted Fogell...