Spaceballs quotes

View Quote Dark Helmet: No! We can't go in there! Yogurt has the Schwartz! It's far too powerful!
Sandurz: But sir, what about your ring? Don't you have the Schwartz, too?
Dark Helmet: Naw, he got the upside, I got the downside. See, there's two sides to every Schwartz.

View Quote 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

View Quote Dark Helmet: [after catching Vespa's car] Now we will show her who is in charge of this galaxy! [a Spaceball loads his gun] Hold it, I will handle this personally!
Spaceball: Jawohl Lord Helmet! [stands aside]
Dark Helmet: So Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of planet Spaceball, well you were wrong. You are now our prisoner, and will be held hostage until such time, as all of the air is transfered from your planet...to ours. [opens door to the car and looks around, he lifts his mask up] She's not in there! [immediately all Spaceballs in the room drop their guns and cover their crotches]
Radar Man: Radar repaired, sir. We're picking up the outline of a...Winnebago.
Dark Helmet: Winnebago? Lone Starr. [bangs his fist on the car side] Lone Starr![car's door slams on top of his helmet]

View Quote I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

View Quote Spaceball Commander: You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!

View Quote 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!

View Quote Vespa: Who are you?
Barf: Barf!
Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister. This is a Mercedes.

View Quote Ape Man 1: Dear me, what are those things coming out of her nose?
Dark Helmet: Hey, hey, watch my helmet.
Ape Man 2: Spaceballs!!
Ape Man 1: Oh, shit. There goes the planet.

View Quote Colonel Sandurz: It's Megamaid! She's gone from suck to blow!

View Quote Dark helmet: [about to enter a pod when a lady with a beard cuts in front of him] Hey hey hey, that's my pod, who are you?
Bearded Lady: I am the bearded lady! What are you, one of the freaks?! [kicks him; and gets in the pod laughing]
Dark Helmet: Wait! Wait! No! [the pod ejects] COME BACK HERE YOU FAT BEARDED BITCH!!

View Quote Colonel Sandurz: Sir, I have an idea. Corporal, get me the video cassette of Spaceballs: the Movie.
Dark Helmet: Colonel Sandurz, may I speak with you please? How can there be a video cassette of the movie? We're still in the middle of making it!
Colonel Sandurz: Yes, but there's been a new breakthrough in home video marketing.
Dark Helmet: There has?
Colonel Sandurz: Yes. Instant cassettes. They're out in stores before the movie is finished.

View Quote So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

View Quote [Lone Starr sneaks up behind a guard and grabs him by the neck.]
Guard:: What hell are you doing?
Lone Starr: The Vulcan neck pinch?
Guard:: No, no stupid. You've got it much too high, it's more down here where the shoulder meets the neck.
Lone Starr: Like this?
Guard: Yeah!
[The guard collapses.]

View Quote Barf: What the hell was that?
Lone Starr: Spaceball One.
Barf: They've gone to plaid!

View Quote Lone Starr: Oh, great, that's just what we needed: a Druish princess!
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.