Spaceballs quotes

View Quote Dark Helmet: [after catching Vespa's car] Now we will show her who is in charge of this galaxy! [a Spaceball loads his gun] Hold it, I will handle this personally!
Spaceball: Jawohl Lord Helmet! [stands aside]
Dark Helmet: So Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of planet Spaceball, well you were wrong. You are now our prisoner, and will be held hostage until such time, as all of the air is transfered from your planet...to ours. [opens door to the car and looks around, he lifts his mask up] She's not in there! [immediately all Spaceballs in the room drop their guns and cover their crotches]
Radar Man: Radar repaired, sir. We're picking up the outline of a...Winnebago.
Dark Helmet: Winnebago? Lone Starr. [bangs his fist on the car side] Lone Starr![car's door slams on top of his helmet]

View Quote (Spaceball 1's radar has been jammed.) Radar Technichan: [Through P.A to Col. Sandurz] Sir! [Sandurz and Dark Helmet look over] Can I see you for a minute, please sir?
[Sandurz and Helmet walk over]
Sandurz:What is it Private?
Radar Technichan: [Still through the P.A] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
[Sandurz grabs the microphone the Technichan was just using]
Sandurz: You don't need that, lieutenant. We're here. Now what is it?
Radar Technician: [Still through the P.A] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.
[Helemet rips the microphone from the console and throws it aside.]
Dark Helmet: Now what is it?!
Radar Technician: [Normally] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
Dark Helmet: What's wrong with it?!
Radar Technician: I've lost the bleeps, I lost the sweeps, and I lost the creeps.
Dark Helmet: The what?
Colonel Sandurz: The what?
Dark Helmet: And the what?
Radar Techician: You know, the bleeps... [Makes beeping noise]... the sweeps... [Makes vibrating noise] and the creeps. [Makes squeaking noise]
Dark Helmet: [Quietly, to Sandurz] That's not all he's lost.
Radar Technician: Wait, sir! The radar, sir! It appears to be... [Jam starts flowing through the computer screen] jammed!
Dark Helmet: Jammed... [Examines the jam and tastes it] Raspberry. There's only one man... [Sandurz gets out of the way of the approaching camera] ...who would dare give me the raspberry! [Pulls his mask down] Lone Starr! [Walks into the camera and collapses]

View Quote Dark helmet: [about to enter a pod when a lady with a beard cuts in front of him] Hey hey hey, that's my pod, who are you?
Bearded Lady: I am the bearded lady! What are you, one of the freaks?! [kicks him; and gets in the pod laughing]
Dark Helmet: Wait! Wait! No! [the pod ejects] COME BACK HERE YOU FAT BEARDED BITCH!!

View Quote Lone Starr: I still don't understand how I'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring.
Yogurt: Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!

View Quote ↑ Saying that in another way, Dark Helmet is the former roommate of Lone Starr's first or second cousin. He could be Lone Starr's former roommate as well, but that's unlikely. It could also be that his father's brother (uncle) has a nephew through his wife, whose cousin would therefore not be a blood relative of Lone Starr's, making the roommate connection all the more ludicrous.

View Quote ↑ John Hurt played Executive Officer Kane in the 1979 film Alien. In the film, an alien popped out of Hurt's chest, thus the line "not again!".