Spaceballs quotes

81 total quotes (ID: 547)

Dark Helmet
Lone Starr
Multiple Characters
Opening credits
President Skroob

1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!

Colonel Sandurz: I don't know. They must have hyperjets on that thing!
Dark Helmet: And what have we got on this thing, a Cuisinart?!
Colonel Sandurz: No, sir!
Dark Helmet: Well find them, catch them!
Colonel Sandurz: Yes sir! Prepare ship for light speed!
Dark Helmet: No-no-no, light speed is too slow!
Colonel Sandurz: Light speed too slow?
Dark Helmet: Yes, we'll have to go right to...ludicrous speed!
[The entire crew gasps.]
Colonel Sandurz: Ludicrous speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if this ship can take it!
Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz... chicken?
Colonel Sandurz: [stuttering] Prepare ship--prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seat belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall! Cancel the three ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo...
Dark Helmet: Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer! Now hear this! Ludicrous speed!
Colonel Sandurz: Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?
Dark Helmet: Aw, buckle this! Ludicrous speed! Go!!

[in tiny print]: If you can read this, you don't need glasses.

[choking and gagging; pulls up mask] I can't breathe in this thing!

So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

Yogurt! Yogurt! [referring to the character] I hate Yogurt! Even with Strawberries!

I see that your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let's see how well you can handle it.

What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?

[feeling the force of going at Ludicrous Speed] My brains are going into my feet!

[aiming his Schwartz ring at Lone Starr's crotch] Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.

I'll bet she gives great helmet.

Commence operation [pause] Vacu-suck.

[Mr.Radar has just been "jammed".] There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: [pulls down helmet as camera zooms in on his face] Lone Starr! [camera slams into his face and knocks him out]

I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

Come back here, you fat bearded bitch!