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So I Married an Axe Murderer

So I Married an Axe Murderer quotes

38 total quotes

Charlie Mackenzie
Stuart Mackenzie

You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called FA-QUE! (pronounces it "**** you") It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground.

We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. 'S all right, he's just pissed.

Harriet Michaels: Ralph, this is Charlie.
Ralph: It's really great to meet you.
Charlie Mackenzie: Oh no, no. It's great to meet you. Yes, yes. I love you!
[hugs her tightly out of happiness, making his towel drop]
Charlie Mackenzie: ...I'm naked, aren't I?

No kidding. His head's like Sputnik. Spherical, but quite pointy in parts.

Charlie Mackenzie: How many people have you brutally murdered?
Harriet Michaels: Well, brutal's a subjective term. What's brutal to one person might be entirely reasonable to someone else.

Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

Heid, turn off the Bay City Rollers! The game's about to come on!

Charlie Mackenzie: So Tony, what's the deal with your clothes?
Tony Giardino: What do ya mean?
Charlie Mackenzie: I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.
Tony Giardino: What are ya talking about, I look hip!
Charlie Mackenzie: No no no no no no no, you look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip.
Tony Giardino: I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip.

Harriet Michaels: Do you actually like haggis?
Charlie Mackenzie: No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Heid! Pants! Now!

Oooh, that was offsides, wasn't it? Tonight he'll cry himself to sleep... on his huge pilla!

Charlie Mackenzie: Marry me.
Harriet Michaels: No..
Charlie Mackenzie: ...Please?

Rose Michaels: You know Harriet.
Charlie Mackenzie: Well, actually I don't.
Rose Michaels: But you did have sex with her.
Charlie Mackenzie: Hello!

Charlie Mackenzie: I don't want to lose you.
Harriet Michaels: You didn't. You rejected me.
Charlie Mackenzie: Okay, I'm un-rejecting you.

Let's get pissed!