So I Married an Axe Murderer

So I Married an Axe Murderer quotes

38 total quotes (ID: 545)

Charlie Mackenzie
Stuart Mackenzie


You know, Scotland has its own martial arts. Yeah, it's called FA-QUE! (pronounces it "**** you") It's mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they're on the ground.


Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. 'S all right, he's just pissed.

Harriet Michaels: Ralph, this is Charlie.
Ralph: It's really great to meet you.
Charlie Mackenzie: Oh no, no. It's great to meet you. Yes, yes. I love you!
[hugs her tightly out of happiness, making his towel drop]
Charlie Mackenzie: ...I'm naked, aren't I?

Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you got to belief, she stole my heart and my cat. Judy, Betty, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they make me horny, on Saturday morny... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love.

Charlie Mackenzie: How many people have you brutally murdered?
Harriet Michaels: Well, brutal's a subjective term. What's brutal to one person might be entirely reasonable to someone else.

Harriet Michaels: Do you actually like haggis?
Charlie Mackenzie: No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Charlie Mackenzie: So Tony, what's the deal with your clothes?
Tony Giardino: What do ya mean?
Charlie Mackenzie: I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.
Tony Giardino: What are ya talking about, I look hip!
Charlie Mackenzie: No no no no no no no, you look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip.
Tony Giardino: I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip.

Heid, turn off the Bay City Rollers! The game's about to come on!

Oooh, that was offsides, wasn't it? Tonight he'll cry himself to sleep... on his huge pilla!

Charlie Mackenzie: Marry me.
Harriet Michaels: No..
Charlie Mackenzie: ...Please?

Heid! Pants! Now!

Charlie Mackenzie: I don't want to lose you.
Harriet Michaels: You didn't. You rejected me.
Charlie Mackenzie: Okay, I'm un-rejecting you.

Rose Michaels: You know Harriet.
Charlie Mackenzie: Well, actually I don't.
Rose Michaels: But you did have sex with her.
Charlie Mackenzie: Hello!

Let's get pissed!