Stuart Mackenzie quotes

Heid! Pants! Now!

Give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

Look at the size of that boy's head. It's like an orange on a toothpick.

No kidding. His head's like Sputnik. Spherical, but quite pointy in parts.

Oooh, that was offsides, wasn't it? Tonight he'll cry himself to sleep... on his huge pilla!

We have a piper down. I repeat, a piper is down. 'S all right, he's just pissed.

Let's get pissed!

Heid, turn off the Bay City Rollers! The game's about to come on!

Heid! Paper! Now! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if you can, hauling that gargantuan cranium about!

May, shut it!

[singing "Do You Think I'm Sexy" with bagpipes] If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, c'mon baby let me know! Haggis solo!

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