Snatch quotes

View Quote Female Bookie: All bets are off.
Sol: I'm not in here to make a ****ing bet.
Female Bookie: 'Preciated, but all... bets... are... off. If all bets are off, then there can't be any money can't there?
Sol: I ain't ****ing buying that.
Female Bookie: Well that's handy, 'cause I ain't ****ing selling it. It's a fact.

View Quote Turkish: Well, do you want to do it?
Mickey: That depends.
Turkish: On what?
Mickey: On you buying this caravan. Ah, not the rouge one, the rose.
Turkish: It's not the same caravan.
Mickey: It's not the same fight.
Turkish: It's twice the ****ing size of the last one.
Mickey: The fight is twice the size. And me ma still needs a caravan. I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal. Take it.
Turkish: Mickey, you're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance. Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little ****ing rich.
[Realizes his mistake as the gypsies stare threateningly at him]
Turkish: I wasn't calling your mum a tart. I just meant...
Mickey: Save your breath for cooling your porridge. Hey, look... [incoherently] Ah - deh sah-sez-fren-forcher, and dah scar-her-cushons, wit dah matsen-seck-way-Core-Ver.
[Turkish and Tommy look at each other with confusion]
Mickey: Right. And she's terribly partial to the periwinkle blue. Have I made myself clear, lads?
Turkish: Yeah, that's perfectly clear, Mickey, yeah. Just give me one minute to confer with my colleague.
[Turns to Tommy]
Turkish: Did you understand a single word of what he just said?

View Quote Avi: So what should I call you, "Bullet"? "Tooth"?
Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

View Quote Bullet Tooth Tony: A bookie's got blagged last night.
Avi: Blagged? Tony, speak English. I thought this country spawned the ****ing language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.

View Quote Avi: How do we wanna get rid of him? [talking about Boris in the carboot]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Do you want to shoot him?
Avi: It's a little noisy, isn't it?
Bullet Tooth Tony: Do you want to stab him?
Avi: That's a little cold-blooded, isn't it?
Bullet Tooth Tony:[Annoyed] Do you want to kill him or not?
Rosebud:[in the backseat, taking the blade out of his jacket] I'll cut him. I got a blade.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Yeah, that's the spirit.

View Quote Vinny: I don't want a fuss, and I don't want to put a bullet in your face, but if you don't give me exactly what I want, there will be ****ing murders.
Bullet Tooth Tony: [to Tyrone] What's your name?
Sol: Shoot him.
Bullet Tooth Tony: [mocking] Ooh.
[Vinny attempts to pistol-whip Tony; Tony catches his hand and grips it tightly as Sol draws another gun]
Sol: Let... go... of... the... gun!
[Tony releases Vinny]
Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you're obviously the big dick. And the men on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big, brave balls, and there are little mincey **** balls.
Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey **** balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your guns, and the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... **** off.
[Sips his drink]

View Quote Errol: ****face, who's speaking to you? He asked him, didn't he?
Turkish: ****face... I like that one Errol. I'll have to remember that one next time I'm climbing off yer mum.

View Quote Not many people are named after a plane crash.

View Quote [Voiceover] This is Tommy. He tells people he's named after a gun, but I know he's named after a famous 19th century ballet dancer.

View Quote Hurry up Tommy, before zee Germans get here.

View Quote That's Doug The Head. Everybody knows Doug The Head. If it's stones and it's stolen, he's the man to speak to. Pretends he's Jewish. Wishes he was Jewish. Even tells his family they're Jewish, but he's about as Jewish as he is a ****ing monkey. He thinks it's good for business. And in a diamond business, it is good for business.

View Quote I fail to recognise the correlation between "losing 10K", "hospitalising Gorgeous" and "a good deal".

View Quote Now, I know he looks like a fat ****er... well, he is a fat ****er... but he's dirty and he's dangerous.

View Quote [Voiceover] Boris 'the Blade', or Boris 'the Bullet Dodger'. As bent as the Soviet sickle, and as hard as the hammer that crosses it. Apparently, it's just impossible to kill the bastard.

View Quote You show me how to control a wild ****ing gypsy and I'll show you how to control an unhinged, pig-feeding gangster.