Real Genius quotes

View Quote Chris Knight: Did you touch anything?
Mitch Taylor: Uh, no.
Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for 'toy.'
Mitch Taylor: What is it?
Chris Knight: A penis-stretcher. Wanna try it?
Mitch Taylor: No!
Chris Knight: I'm kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

View Quote Chris Knight: Kent put his name on his license plate.
Mitch: My mother does that to my underwear.
Chris Knight: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?

View Quote [In the men's room]
Jordan: Hi, good morning, I thought I saw you come in here, you must be an earlier riser, we met last night, I'm Jordan, remember? I made you a sweater.
Mitch: Last night?
Jordan: Yeah, it's just something I do with my hands while I'm reading. I hope I got the size right, I'm pretty sure I did, I have a brother so I use him as a sizing comparison, and I have a pretty good eye for that sort of thing, so I just went ahead and made you one because I was, you know, up. Are you peeing?
Mitch: Yeah.
Jordan: I never sleep. I don't know why. It drove my roommate nuts. I mean really nuts, they had to take her away in an ambulance and everything, she's okay now though, but she had to transfer to an easier school but I don't know if that part has anything to do with being my fault, but still, anyway, if you ever want any help studying at night or just let me know, okay, 'cause I'm just a couple of doors down from you guys and I never sleep, okay?
Mitch: Thanks, I will.
Jordan: Are you finished?
Mitch: I can't start.
Jordan: Because I'm here?
Mitch: I think so.
Jordan: Weird. Well I have to go.
Mitch: Me too.

View Quote Dr. Meredith: A bit of advice.
Mitch: [pulls out notebook to write down what Dr. Meredith says] Oh, uh, thank you?
Dr. Meredith: Always...uh...never...forget to check your references.
Mitch: Uh, OK...thank you. I'd better be going.
[Mitch leaves]
Dr. Meredith: [to his wife] I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down" verbally, don't you?

View Quote Old Lady: Tell me, what is Mr. Einstein really like?
Professor Hathaway: Dead.

View Quote Prof. Hathaway: You still run?
Chris Knight: Only when chased.

View Quote Mitch Taylor: Something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor: No.
Chris Knight: Why am I the only person that has that dream?

View Quote Jerry Hathaway: To graduate, dear boy, you need my class. So it seems I have something to say about what you do and where you go.
Chris Knight: OK, if you think that by threatening me, you can get me to be your slave, well... that's where you're right, but - and I'm only saying this because I care - there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.
Jerry Hathaway: I'm not kidding, Chris.
Chris Knight: Neither am I, Jerry.

View Quote Professor Hathaway: Mitch, will you miss your friends?
Mitch: Well, no. I think I intimidate other kids.
Professor Hathaway: Good boy.

View Quote Kent: You're all just a bunch of degenerates!
Chris Knight: We are? What about that time I found you naked with that bowl of Jello?
Kent: You did not!
Chris Knight: This is true.
Kent: I was hot and I was hungry.

View Quote [Kent opens his dorm room door to find his car inside]
Chris Knight: Kent isn't that your car?
Mitch: Kent, you know you're not supposed to park that on campus.
Kent: You did this, Knight.
Chris Knight: I had help.
[Points to Mitch, who waves]
Kent: I'm gonna get you guys. Dr. Hathaway's gonna hear all about this. You know, you'll rue the day!
Chris Knight: "Rue the day?" Who talks like that?

View Quote Chris Knight: Ick, this ice is great! How did you do it?
Ick: Oh sure, I tell you, you tell someone else and the next thing you know, we're in the middle of another ice age.

View Quote Kent: Well, who's gonna clean it up?
Ick: You don't have to. It goes from solid form directly to gas.
Kent: Whoa! What is it?
Ick: I'm not saying. But I can tell you that it's fairly rare and very unstable.
Chris Knight: Just like you, Kent.

View Quote 'Ick: It worked! Now if we can just keep it from exploding.
Kent: Explo-?
[runs into his room]
Chris Knight: [coughing, as the hall fills with vapor] Hey Ick, you were just kidding about exploding, right? Ick?

View Quote Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
Mitch: Who is he?
Chris Knight: Hollyfeld.
Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there.
Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him.
Mitch: Yeah...
Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?