Rat Race quotes

View Quote Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry?
Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked.
Vicki: So far so good.
Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails, and you shave my buttocks.

View Quote [A hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill.]
Nick Schaffer: Wait - what's this $110?
Employee: Oh, those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer: Oh, I didn't watch any movies.
Employee: Let's see..."Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: "Afro Whores"?
Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times.
Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch that.
Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched "The Grinch" for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk: This is not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?
Nick Schaffer: None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...”
Nick Schaffer: [screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! I didn't.
'[hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]

View Quote Kimberly Pear : Dad, I'm prairie dogging back here!
Randy Pear : Well, what the hell does that mean?
Jason Pear : You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
Randy Pear : Oh. [Five seconds later]
Randy Pear : Ohh, god, I do not wanna picture that!

View Quote Hey look! A drifter! Let's kill him!

View Quote Randy Pear : You're playing Hitler's harmonica!
Jason Pear : Well, you're driving his car.
Randy Pear : Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not suckin' on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs!

View Quote I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!

View Quote (Talking about the coin he used to flip at the Super Bowl) You know what this is...its actually a commemerative coin.

View Quote I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!! I do NOT work for the bus company! All right?! I... I needed a ride to New Mexico, so I stole this uniform! See this jacket? This is not my jacket! Remember Marty, the bus driver? Huh?! This is his shirt! I stole it! And these pants, you think I'd WEAR these pants?! These aren't my pants! These are Marty's pants! I stole them! I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!!!

View Quote Honey, wake up! Third Reich's here! You wanna have a good life, right? Okay, let's see. SS in the parking lot! Not good! Not good!

View Quote [Sinclair has told the teams repeatedly to "go", to no avail.]
Merrill : So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?
Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving... theoretically you have been racing for about forty seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.

View Quote I am getting goose pimples.

View Quote Squirrel Lady: I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? I was talkin' to Vera!

View Quote I can do anything I want, Owen. I'm eccentric. Rrrow.

View Quote Are you insane?! This is Hitler's car!

View Quote And, they're off!