Other quotes

Squirrel Lady: I wasn't talkin' to you, was I? I was talkin' to Vera!

[A hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill.]
Nick Schaffer: Wait - what's this $110?
Employee: Oh, those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer: Oh, I didn't watch any movies.
Employee: Let's see..."Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: "Afro Whores"?
Employee: It says you watched it... 11 times.
Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch that.
Employee: 2:00 "Afro Whores", 3:30 "Afro Whores", 5:00 "Afro Whores"... It says in the morning you watched "The Grinch" for ten minutes, then switched back over to "Afro Whores".
Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk: This is not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.
Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?
Nick Schaffer: None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters...”
Nick Schaffer: [screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! I didn't.
'[hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]

[Sinclair has told the teams repeatedly to "go", to no avail.]
Merrill : So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?
Donald Sinclair: Uh, begin, commence, start moving... theoretically you have been racing for about forty seconds now, and so far Mr. Schaffer is winning because he's nearest to the door.

Vicki: So, what can I do for you, Harry?
Harold Grisham: Okay... here's what I want. First... we both get naked.
Vicki: So far so good.
Harold Grisham: Except... we're both wearing sailor hats. Then we get into a jacuzzi filled with Pepto-Bismol, I clip your toenails, and you shave my buttocks.

Kimberly Pear : Dad, I'm prairie dogging back here!
Randy Pear : Well, what the hell does that mean?
Jason Pear : You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
Randy Pear : Oh. [Five seconds later]
Randy Pear : Ohh, god, I do not wanna picture that!

Randy Pear : You're playing Hitler's harmonica!
Jason Pear : Well, you're driving his car.
Randy Pear : Yeah, but I'm not touching it with my mouth! I'm not suckin' on the dashboard! I'm not getting his germs!

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