Producers, The (2005) quotes
100 total quotesMax Bialystock
Multiple Characters
Roger De Bris
Ulla
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Mr. Marks: Do I smell the revolting stench of self-esteem?
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Stormtrooper "Rolf": I was born in Düsseldorf, and that is why they call me Rolf.
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Max: I was a protege of the great Boris Tomashevsky. He taught me everything I know. I'll never forget, he turned to me on his death bed and said: "Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen kachen!"
Nun: What does that mean?
Max: Who knows, I don't speak Yiddish. Strangely enough, neither did he. But in my heart, I knew what he was saying. He was saying when you're down and out and everybody thinks you're finished, that's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout: "Who do you have to **** to get a break in this stinking town?"
Nun: What does that mean?
Max: Who knows, I don't speak Yiddish. Strangely enough, neither did he. But in my heart, I knew what he was saying. He was saying when you're down and out and everybody thinks you're finished, that's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout: "Who do you have to **** to get a break in this stinking town?"
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Max: Do you know who I am?
Leo: You are Max Bialystock, King of BROADWAY!
Max: No, I am Max Bialystock - that's right!
Leo: You are Max Bialystock, King of BROADWAY!
Max: No, I am Max Bialystock - that's right!
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Max: Whatta ya say, Bloom?
Leo: [sung] What do I say?
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer!
What do I say?
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir!
What do I say? What do I say?
Here's what I say to you, sir... I can't do it!
Leo: [sung] What do I say?
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer!
What do I say?
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir!
What do I say? What do I say?
Here's what I say to you, sir... I can't do it!
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Max: The two cardinal rules of producing. One: Never put your own money in the show.
Leo: And two?
Max: [yelling] Never put your own money in the show!
Leo: And two?
Max: [yelling] Never put your own money in the show!
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Leo and Max: We can do it! We can do it!
Max: Every show I touch I doom!
Leo and Max: We were fated, To be mated, We're Bialystock and Bloom!
Max: Every show I touch I doom!
Leo and Max: We were fated, To be mated, We're Bialystock and Bloom!
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Franz Liebkind: [Making Max and Leo take the Siegfried Oath] Raise Your right forefingers! I solemnly svear...
Leo and Max: [holding up their right forefingers] I solemnly svear...
Franz Liebkind: To obey ze Zacred Siegfried Oas...
Leo and Max: To obey the Sacred Siegfried Oath...
Franz Liebkind: Und!
Max: [Switching to his middle finger] Und!
Leo: [Switching to his middle finger] Und!
Franz Liebkind: [Wagging his finger] Never, Never, Never!
Leo and Max: [Flipping Franz off] Never, Never, Never.
Franz Liebkind: Dishoner ze spirit und ze memory of Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
Leo and Max: Dishonor the spirit and the... Elizabeth?
Franz Liebkind: Jah. Dat vas his middle name. Not many people know it, but der Führer vas descended from a long line of English qveens.
[long pause]
Max: Is that right?
Leo and Max: [shrugging] Adolf ELIZABETH Hitler.
Leo and Max: [holding up their right forefingers] I solemnly svear...
Franz Liebkind: To obey ze Zacred Siegfried Oas...
Leo and Max: To obey the Sacred Siegfried Oath...
Franz Liebkind: Und!
Max: [Switching to his middle finger] Und!
Leo: [Switching to his middle finger] Und!
Franz Liebkind: [Wagging his finger] Never, Never, Never!
Leo and Max: [Flipping Franz off] Never, Never, Never.
Franz Liebkind: Dishoner ze spirit und ze memory of Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
Leo and Max: Dishonor the spirit and the... Elizabeth?
Franz Liebkind: Jah. Dat vas his middle name. Not many people know it, but der Führer vas descended from a long line of English qveens.
[long pause]
Max: Is that right?
Leo and Max: [shrugging] Adolf ELIZABETH Hitler.
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Franz Liebkind: You know, not many people know zis, but der Führer was a terrific dancer.
Max: Really? Gee, we didn't know that, did we, Leo?
Leo: No, we sure didn't.
Franz Liebkind: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL! With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!
Max: Really? Gee, we didn't know that, did we, Leo?
Leo: No, we sure didn't.
Franz Liebkind: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL! With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!
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Roger De Bris: [wearing a dress] I am going to the choreographers' ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
Carmen Ghia: We always win.
Roger De Bris: I am not so sure about this year. I am supposed to be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building.
Carmen Ghia: We always win.
Roger De Bris: I am not so sure about this year. I am supposed to be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building.
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Max: Listen Roger, did you get a chance yet to read "Springtime for Hitler?"
Roger De Bris: Read it? I devoured it! It's loaded with historical goodies. I for one, for instance, never realized that the Third Reich meant Germany.
Max: Yeah, how 'bout that? Then you'll do it?
Roger De Bris: Do it? Of course not.
[Music starts]
Roger De Bris: [sung] The theatre's so obsessed
With dramas so depressed
It's hard to sell a ticket on Broadway
Shows should be more pretty
Shows should be more witty
Shows should be more...
Roger De Bris: [spoken] What's the word?
Leo: Gay?
Roger De Bris: Exactly!
Roger De Bris: Read it? I devoured it! It's loaded with historical goodies. I for one, for instance, never realized that the Third Reich meant Germany.
Max: Yeah, how 'bout that? Then you'll do it?
Roger De Bris: Do it? Of course not.
[Music starts]
Roger De Bris: [sung] The theatre's so obsessed
With dramas so depressed
It's hard to sell a ticket on Broadway
Shows should be more pretty
Shows should be more witty
Shows should be more...
Roger De Bris: [spoken] What's the word?
Leo: Gay?
Roger De Bris: Exactly!
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Donald Dinsmore: I would like to sing "The little wooden boy. "
[the song intro plays as Donald dances. Just before he is about to open his mouth...]
Roger De Bris: NEXT!
[the song intro plays as Donald dances. Just before he is about to open his mouth...]
Roger De Bris: NEXT!