Producers, The (1968) quotes

View Quote Concierge: Who d'ya want?
Leo: I beg your pardon?
Concierge: Who d'ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who they want. I'm the "consy-urge". My husband used to be the "consy-urge", but he's dead. Now I'M the "consy-urge".
Max: We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
Concierge: Oh... the Kraut! He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
Max: Thank you...
Concierge: ...But you won't find him there... he's up on the roof with his boids. He keeps boids. Dirty... disgusting... filthy... lice-ridden boids. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore! No, sir! Boids!... You get my drift?
Leo: We... uh... get your "drift". Thank you, madam.
Concierge: I'm not a "madam"! I'm a "consy-urge"!

View Quote That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!

View Quote [Searching for the sure-fire flop] "Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant ****roach." Nah, it's too good.

View Quote Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation.

View Quote Max Bialystock is launching himself into little old lady land.

View Quote Thank you, I knew I could con you.

View Quote That's exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.

View Quote You're an accountant! You're in a noble profession! The word "count" is part of your title!

View Quote You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!

View Quote I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!

View Quote Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!

View Quote Oooooooh, I WANT THAT MONEY!

View Quote This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now, LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm wearing a cardboard belt!

View Quote How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?

View Quote I used to have thousands of investors wanting to put their money in a Max Bialystock production! These are my investors now! [shows pictures of little old women] Little old women who want one last thrill of life of their way to the cemetery.