Producers, The (1968)

Producers, The (1968) quotes

65 total quotes (ID: 469)

Franz Liebkind
Leo Bloom
Lorenzo St. DuBois
Max Bialystock
Multiple Characters
Roger De Bris

Concierge: Who d'ya want?
Leo: I beg your pardon?
Concierge: Who d'ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who they want. I'm the "consy-urge". My husband used to be the "consy-urge", but he's dead. Now I'M the "consy-urge".
Max: We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
Concierge: Oh... the Kraut! He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
Max: Thank you...
Concierge: ...But you won't find him there... he's up on the roof with his boids. He keeps boids. Dirty... disgusting... filthy... lice-ridden boids. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore! No, sir! Boids!... You get my drift?
Leo: We... uh... get your "drift". Thank you, madam.
Concierge: I'm not a "madam"! I'm a "consy-urge"!

That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!

[Searching for the sure-fire flop] "Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he had been transformed into a giant ****roach." Nah, it's too good.

Shut up, I'm having a rhetorical conversation.

Max Bialystock is launching himself into little old lady land.

Thank you, I knew I could con you.

That's exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.

You're an accountant! You're in a noble profession! The word "count" is part of your title!

You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!

I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!

Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!


This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now, LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm wearing a cardboard belt!

How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?

I used to have thousands of investors wanting to put their money in a Max Bialystock production! These are my investors now! [shows pictures of little old women] Little old women who want one last thrill of life of their way to the cemetery.