My Cousin Vinny quotes

View Quote Vinny: What are you wearing?
Mona Lisa: What?
Vinny: You look like a ****in' tourist.
Mona Lisa: Me? What about you?
Vinny: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearin' cowboy boots.
Mona Lisa: Oh yeah, you blend.

View Quote Judge Haller: I don't like your attitude.
Vinny: So what else is new?
Judge Haller: I'm holding you in contempt of court.
Vinny: [to Bill] Now there's a ****ing surprise.
Judge Haller: What did you say? What did you just say?
Vinny: Huh? What did I say?

View Quote Judge Haller: I tell you this because I want you to know that when it comes to procedure, I'm not a patient man. I advise your, sir, that when you come into my courtroom, you are to know the letter of the law. I react harshly when you don't.
Vinny: You should.
Judge Haller: Don't think that being from New York, you're getting a special treatment.
Vinny: I shouldn't?
Judge Haller: You won't. You'll be given no leeway whatsoever.
[Takes a book on Alabama law from his book case]
Judge Haller: Now I expect you to know this information when you come into my courtroom.
[drops the book before Vinny]
Judge Haller: You willing to accept those terms?
Vinny: Sure. No problem.
[quickly leafs through the book]
Vinny: Just this? Ha ha.

View Quote Bill: We should get tuna.
Stan: Please no more tuna.
Bill: It has protein, we need protein.
Stan: Beans have protein.
Bill: Beans make you fart.
Stan: We got a convertible.

View Quote Judge Haller: Mr. Gambini, didn't I tell you that the next time you appear in my court that you dress appropriately?
Vinny: You were serious about that?

View Quote Officer: That's death row in there.
Stan: It is?
Officer: The chair ain't workin' like it used to. The guy we fried last week, took us three attempts, and his head caught on fire. See, there's no money in the budget to get it looked at. I said it'd be cheaper to get it fixed than keep running up them extra electric bills.

View Quote [explaining how he became a lawyer] Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket. I went to court, I got the cop on the stand, and I argued with him until he admitted he was wrong. And the judge, this Judge Malloy. All the while he's laughing and smiling. And then afterwards, he asks me to go to lunch with him. Then he says to me, "you know what? You'd be a good litigator." I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, I don't know what a litigator is. I never thought of becoming a lawyer. But this Judge Malloy, who's from Brooklyn, too? He did it, so all of a sudden, it seemed possible. So I went to law school.

View Quote Stan: What's the matter?
Bill: Do you know what this is all about?
Stan: Yeah, they're ****ing with us.
Bill: And you don't believe that?
Stan: No, they don't execute for shoplifting.
Bill: You think we're being booked for shoplifting?
Stan: No, no. You're being booked for shoplifting, I'm being booked for accessory to shoplifting.
Bill: No, Stan, I'm being booked for murder, and you're being booked for accessory to murder.

View Quote Vinny: Ms. Vito, you're supposed to be some kinda expert in automobiles, is that correct?... Is that correct?
Judge Haller: Would you please answer the counselor's question?
Lisa: No, I hate him.
Vinny: Your Honor, may I treat this witness as hostile?
Mona Lisa: You think I'm hostile now? Wait till tonight.
Judge Haller: Do you two know each other?
Vinny: Yeah, she's my fianc?e.
Judge Haller: Well, that would certainly explain the hostility.

View Quote Stan, you're in Ala-****in-bama. You come from New York. You killed a good-ole-boy. There is no WAY this is not going to trial!

View Quote Lisa: Don't worry, I'll find a way to bail you out.
Vinny: No don't. I'm gonna stay in prison tonight. Maybe I'll finally get some sleep. I'm doing good, huh?

View Quote Vinny: Did you fall in your place or somebody else's?
Neckbrace: My place.
Vinny: Shit.

View Quote Sure, sure I heard of grits. I've just never actually SEEN a grit before.

View Quote Vinny: I got thirty ****ing minutes to take a shower, get a new suit, get dressed and get to the ****ing courthouse.
Lisa: You ****ing shower, I'll get your ****ing suit.

View Quote Vinny: Mr. Tipton, when you viewed the defendants walking from their car into the Sac-O-Suds, what angle was your point of view?
Mr. Tipton: They was kind of walking towards me when they entered the store.
Vinny: And when they left, what angle was your point of view?
Mr. Tipton: They was kind of walking away from me.
Vinny: So would you say you got a better shot of them going in, and not so much coming out?
Mr. Tipton: You could say that.
Vinny: I did say that, would you say that?
Mr. Tipton: Yeah.