Juno quotes

89 total quotes

Bren MacGuff
Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff
Multiple Characters

View Quote Juno: My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus' wife.
Mark: Zeus' wife?
Juno: Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful but really mean...kind of like Diana Ross.

View Quote Mark: Vanessa gave me my own room for all my stuff.
Juno: She gave you your own room in...in your whole house? For your...for your stuff? Wow, she's got you on a long leash, Mark.

View Quote Vanessa: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno: Nah, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

View Quote Juno: Listen, Bren-duhhh, you're acting like you're the one who has to go through this and get huge and shove a baby out of your vag for someone else. What does it even matter if Mark's married? I can have friends that are married.
Bren: It doesn't work that way, kiddo. You don't know squat about the dynamics of marriage.
Juno: You don't know anything about me!
Bren: I know enough.

View Quote Bren: I have sacrificed a lot for you, Juno, and when you move out I'm getting Weimaraners!
Juno: Whoa, dream big!
Bren: Oh, go fly a kite!

View Quote Paulie: I still have your underwear.
Juno: I still have your virginity.
Paulie: [exasperated] Would you shut up?

View Quote Vanessa: What's wrong? Why are you crying?
Juno: I'm not crying. I'm just allergic to fine home furnishing.

View Quote Juno: [yelling through the house] Uh, dad?
Mac: Yeah?
Juno: Either I just peed my pants... or...
Mac: [stops what he's doing and looks up] "Or"...?
Juno: Or... THUNDERCATS ARE GO!

View Quote Vanessa: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.

View Quote Juno: What about Katrina De Voort? You could totally go out with Katrina De Voort.
Paulie: No, I don't like Katrina. She smells like soup. Have you ever smelled her? I mean, her whole house smells like soup!

View Quote Juno: He said her house smells like soup.
Leah: Oh my god it does! I was there like four years ago for her birthday party. It's like Lipton landing!

View Quote Juno: Your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday.
Paulie: Katrina's not my girlfriend, all right? And I doubt she gave you the stinkeye. That's just how her face looks, you know? That's just her face.

View Quote Juno: Ow, ow, ****ity-ow! Bren, when do I get that spinal tap thing?
Bren: It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough.
Juno: You mean I have to wait for it to get worse! Why can't they just give it to me now?
Bren:: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.

View Quote Juno: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie: You mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met — and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie: I try really hard, actually.
[...]
Paulie: Can we make out now?
Juno: Yeah. [kisses him]