Hot Fuzz

Hot Fuzz quotes

94 total quotes (ID: 277)

Danny Butterman
Multiple Characters
Nicholas Angel
Simon Skinner

DC Andy Wainwright: [after a bottle of bolognaise explodes in his face] It's alright, Andy! It's just bolognaise!

Joyce Cooper: I hope you had a pleasant trip-- fascist!

Met Sergeant: Hello, Nicholas.
Nicholas Angel: Hello, Sergeant.
Met Sergeant: How's the hand?
Nicholas Angel: Still a bit stiff.
Met Sergeant: It can get awfully hairy out there. I'm surprised you weren't snapped up sooner for a nice desk job, that's what I did.
Nicholas Angel: I like to think my office is out on the street.
Met Sergeant: Indeed you do. Your arrest record is 400% higher than any other officer, which is high time such skills were put to better use. We're making you Sergeant.
Nicholas Angel: I see. Where?
Met Sergeant: In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
Nicholas Angel: But that's... in the country?
Met Sergeant: Yes! Lovely.
Nicholas Angel: Isn't there a Sergeant's position here in London?
Met Sergeant: No.
Nicholas Angel: Can I remain here as a PC?
Met Sergeant: No.
Nicholas Angel: Do I have any choice in this?
Met Sergeant: No!
Nicholas Angel: Sergeant, I kinda like it here.
Met Sergeant: Well, you've always wanted a transfer to the country.
Nicholas Angel: In twenty years or so, yes.
Met Sergeant: Well done you.

Inspector Frank Butterman: [trying to convince the Sandford Police to arrest Angel] You aren't seriously going to believe this man, are you? HE ISN'T EVEN FROM ROUND HERE!!!

[on Angel's first night in the Crown pub, he spies many underage drinkers and, even though he is not an official member of the Sandford police force until the next morning, he is spurred into action]
Nicholas Angel: Excuse me. When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: [confidently] 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Underage Drinker: Every year.
Nicholas Angel: Get out.
[Nicholas approaches a new target]
Nicholas Angel: YOU! When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: Uh... 8th of May, 1969?
Nicholas Angel: You're 37?
Underage Drinker: Yeah.
Nicholas Angel: Get out.
[he approaches a swotty drinker with glasses]
Nicholas Angel: When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: [panicking] Errr--
Nicholas Angel: OUT!

Sgt. Tony Fisher: [upon being presented with an obvious murder scene] So... you're saying this wasn't an accident?

Lurch: Yarp.

[to SOCO ex-girlfriend as he leaves a crime scene] You do realize that window was broken from the inside?

Leslie Tiller: You know that feller who blew up?
Nicholas Angel: George Merchant?
Leslie Tiller: Well, George Merchant- God rest him- wanted to buy this land, so he sent round his legal fella, Martin Blower- God rest him. I thought I might take them up on it, as I haven't really got much family round here, save my cousin Sissy, so I thought I might take them up on the offer and move to Buford Abbey. Would you like a card with this?
Nicholas Angel: No, sorry, you were talking about the offer?
Leslie Tiller: Well, it turns out that Martin Blower- God rest him- knew where the new bypass road was going, because he was knocking off Eve Draper from the council- God rest her. And then that reporter- God rest him- finds out about the route and tells me this land is very valuable, ten times what George Merchant and Martin Blower- God rest them- offered me. So with them up and passed on, I decided to sell it on myself to some folks from the city that Martin, George and Eve- God rest them- had all been talking to. Apparently they want to build a big shopping center or something. Course, cousin Sissy won't be too happy about that but, as far as I am concerned, cousin Sissy can go and fu--
Nicholas Angel: Would you excuse me for just one second?

Sgt. Turner: [after Angel has arrested three underage drinkers] You don't really wanna process all this lot do you? My pen's runnin' out.

Reverend Phillip Shooter: **** off, grasshopper!

Simon Skinner: Lock me up.
Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry?
Simon Skinner: I'm a slasher, and I must be stopped.
Nicholas Angel: You're a what?
Simon Skinner: A slasher... of prices! Ha ha ha, just kidding! I'm Simon Skinner, and I run the local Supermarche. Stop in and see me some time. My discounts are criminal! Catch me later!

[whilst giving a presentation to a gathering of school children]
Nicholas Angel: Police work is as much about preventing crime as it is about fighting crime. Most importantly it is about procedural correctness in the exercising of unquestionable moral authority. Any questions?
[Danny puts up his hand]
Nicholas Angel: [sotto] Yes?
Danny Butterman: Is it true that there is a place in a man's head that if you shoot it, it will blow up?
[Angel gives Danny a filthy look]

DC Andy Cartwright: We're just hoping to talk to the last people to see Mr. Merchant alive. Namely a Sergeant Nicolarse ass-wipe and ****stable Fanny Batterbomb.
Danny Butterman: [smiling] Hey, that's us!

Simon Skinner: You see, much as I enjoyed your wild theories Sergeant, the truth is far less complex. Blower's fate was simply the result of his being... an appalling actor.
Nicholas Angel: You murdered him for that?
Simon Skinner: He murdered Bill Shakespeare.
Nicholas Angel: What? Oh.
Annette Roper: Martin Blower was less concerned with the reputation of the village than he was with his sordid affair with Eve Draper!
Nicholas Angel: So Eve deserved to die too?
Dr. Robin Hatcher: Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.
Nicholas Angel: George Merchant?
Simon Skinner: He had an awful house.