Hot Fuzz quotes

View Quote Danny Butterman: Have you seen a lot of action, Sergeant Angel?
Nicholas Angel: I've experienced my fair share, yes.
Danny Butterman: You cook any fools?
Nicholas Angels: What?
Danny Butterman: Did you shoot anyone?
DS Andy Wainwright: He shot a crackhead with a Kalashnikov.
Danny Butterman: [impressed] Caw, where'd you get that?
Nicholas Angel: The offender had the Kalashnikov.
Danny Butterman: [impressed] Caw, where'd he get that?

View Quote Simon Skinner: Lock me up.
Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry?
Simon Skinner: I'm a slasher, and I must be stopped.
Nicholas Angel: You're a what?
Simon Skinner: A slasher... of prices! Ha ha ha, just kidding! I'm Simon Skinner, and I run the local Supermarche. Stop in and see me some time. My discounts are criminal! Catch me later!

View Quote Tim Messenger: Sergeant Angel, Hi hi. Quick word for the Sandford Citizen?
Nicholas Angel: Uh, it was very enjoyable.
Tim Messenger: 'Cop Enjoys Watching Young Lovers'?
Nicholas Angel: I don't think so.
Tim Messenger: 'Local Bobby Gives Thumbs Up to Teen Suicide'?
Nicholas Angel: That's just grossly inappropriate.
[Nicholas and Danny have just chased down a speeding vehicle. Nicholas confronts the driver, Martin Blower and his partner Eve Draper]
Martin Blower: Was I going a tad fast, officer?
Nicholas Angel: [reading his license] Yes you were Mister... Blower.
Martin Blower: Well now you see, we are staging a homage to William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and we're a little late for the dress rehersal. I'm playing the eponymous hero. Romeo, not Juliet.
[he sees that Nicholas is copying down everything that he is saying on his notepad]
Martin Blower: What are you writing?
Nicholas Angel: Everything you're saying, I might need to refer to it later.
Martin Blower: Now officer, I am a respected solicitor so there's no need to-- just stop writing now. Look, I am merely trying to explain why I might have exeeded the speed limit.
Nicholas Angel: [reading from his notepad] You're playing the male lead in a homage to William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and you're late for the dress rehersal. Do you think this is a good enough reason to travel at 48 in a 30 zone?
Martin Blower: But I--
Nicholas Angel: To flout speed limits specifically put in place to save lives?
Martin Blower: Oh, now this is preposterous!
Nicholas Angel: [writing] 'Preposterous.'
Martin Blower: [exasperated] Just stop WRITING!
Nicholas Angel: 'Stop writing.'

View Quote It's a Japanese Peace Lily.

View Quote [after watching Point Break] I won't argue that it was a no-holds-barred adrenaline fuelled thrill-ride, but there's no way that you could perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

View Quote Narrator: Police Constable Nicholas Angel: born, schooled in London. Graduated Canterbury University in 1993 with a double first in Politics and Sociology. Attended Hendon College of Police Training and displayed great aptitude in field exercises, notably Urban Pacification and Riot Control. Academically excelled in theoretical coursework and final year examinations. Received the Baton of Honour, graduated with distinction into the Metropolitan Police Service and quickly established an effectiveness and popularity within the community. Proceeded to improve skill base with courses in advanced driving and advanced cycling. Became heavily involved in a number of extra-vocational activities and to this day holds the Met record for the hundred meter dash. In 2001, he began active duty with the renowned SO19 Armed Response Unit and received a Bravery Award for efforts in the resolution of Operation Crackdown. In the last twelve months, he has received nine special commendations, achieved highest arrest record for any officer in the Met and sustained three injuries in the line of duty, most recently in December when wounded by a man dressed as Father Christmas.

View Quote [after arresting Peter ****er for shoplifting, he takes him back to the station]
Sergeant Tony Fisher: Impressive Collar. Shame Mr. Skinner doesn't wanna press charges.
Nicholas Angel: What do you mean, he doesn't wanna press charges?
Simon Skinner: [suddenly appears and starts offering the cookies that Peter stole to the police staff] I'm simply suggesting that young Peter be given a second chance, before he becomes just another crime statistic. I'm sure he's going to learn a valuable lesson.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: Stealing biscuits is... wrong?
Simon Skinner: [offering him a cookie] Correct.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: [eagerly] Oh, thanks!
Nicholas Angel: And yet we respond by not taking a single punitive measure?
Simon Skinner: [smiling with ill-concealed sarcasm] Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: [chuckles childishly whilst scoffing a cookie] It's like the biscuits, isn't it? [chuckles]
Nicholas Angel: Mr. Skinner--
Frank Butterman: Is everything all right?
Nicholas Angel: Well sir, Mr. Skinner feels that it would be better not to prosecute an individual who has committed a blatant offence.
Frank Butterman: [whilst eating dessert] Leave this with me. I'll make sure everyone gets their just desserts.
Music Cue: Oh no!

View Quote Simon Skinner: You see, much as I enjoyed your wild theories Sergeant, the truth is far less complex. Blower's fate was simply the result of his being... an appalling actor.
Nicholas Angel: You murdered him for that?
Simon Skinner: He murdered Bill Shakespeare.
Nicholas Angel: What? Oh.
Annette Roper: Martin Blower was less concerned with the reputation of the village than he was with his sordid affair with Eve Draper!
Nicholas Angel: So Eve deserved to die too?
Dr. Robin Hatcher: Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.
Nicholas Angel: George Merchant?
Simon Skinner: He had an awful house.

View Quote Absolute tosh, wasn't it? It's annoying that the understudies are actually professional actors. Greg over there was an extra in 'Straw Dogs' and Sheri portrayed a cadaver in 'Prime Suspect'.

View Quote Chief Inspector: I know what you're going to say, Nicholas, but the fact is you've been making us all look bad.
Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry, sir?
Chief Inspector: Of course, we all appreciate your efforts, but you've been rather letting the side down.
Met Inspector: It's all about being a team player, Nicholas.
Met Sergeant: You can't be the Sheriff of London.
Chief Inspector: If we let you carry on running around town, you'll continue to be exceptional... and we can't have that. You'll put us all out of a job.
Nicholas Angel: With respect, sir, you can't just make people disappear.
Chief Inspector: Yes I can, I'm the Chief Inspector.
Nicholas Angel: Well, however you spin this, there's one thing you haven't taken into account... and that's what the team is gonna make of this!
[Nicholas gets up and storms out, only to see all of his colleagues happily standing underneath a banner reading 'Good Luck Nicholas']

View Quote Simon Skinner: [over the walkie talkie] Michael? Michael! Are you there? Micheal! Is everything okay?
Nicholas Angel: [immitating Lurch] Yarp.
Simon Skinner: Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?
Nicholas Angel: Yarp.
Simon Skinner: He's not gonna get back up again?
Nicholas Angel: [nervously] Narp?
Simon Skinner: Good.

View Quote Leslie Tiller: You know that feller who blew up?
Nicholas Angel: George Merchant?
Leslie Tiller: Well, George Merchant- God rest him- wanted to buy this land, so he sent round his legal fella, Martin Blower- God rest him. I thought I might take them up on it, as I haven't really got much family round here, save my cousin Sissy, so I thought I might take them up on the offer and move to Buford Abbey. Would you like a card with this?
Nicholas Angel: No, sorry, you were talking about the offer?
Leslie Tiller: Well, it turns out that Martin Blower- God rest him- knew where the new bypass road was going, because he was knocking off Eve Draper from the council- God rest her. And then that reporter- God rest him- finds out about the route and tells me this land is very valuable, ten times what George Merchant and Martin Blower- God rest them- offered me. So with them up and passed on, I decided to sell it on myself to some folks from the city that Martin, George and Eve- God rest them- had all been talking to. Apparently they want to build a big shopping center or something. Course, cousin Sissy won't be too happy about that but, as far as I am concerned, cousin Sissy can go and fu--
Nicholas Angel: Would you excuse me for just one second?

View Quote Reverend Phillip Shooter: Stop! Stop this, please! Let us stop this mindless violence! Nicholas my son, you may not be a man of God, but surely you are a man of peace.
Nicholas Angel: I may not be a man of god, Reverend, but I know right, and I know wrong, and I have the good grace to know which is which.
Reverend Phillip Shooter: Oh... **** off, grasshopper! [produces two deringers from his robe sleeves and shoots Nicholas]
Danny Butterman: NO! [shoots the Reverend]
Reverend Phillip Shooter: Jesus Christ!
Danny Butterman: NICHOLAS! [Nicholas looks up at him] I thought you was a goner.
Dr. Hatcher: DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
Danny Butterman: Doctor Hatcher, no!
Dr. Hatcher: Shut up, Danny! I brought you into this world, I think its rather fitting that I should be the one to take you out of it. Now... drop 'em.
[Danny throws his shotgun to the ground and it fires, blowing off Hatcher's toe] OWWW!!!
Nicholas Angel: You're a doctor. Deal with it.
Danny Butterman: Yeah, mother****er.
Nicholas Angel: Danny, let's roll.
Danny Butterman: What you thinking?
Nicholas Angel: Pub?

View Quote DC Andy Cartwright: We're just hoping to talk to the last people to see Mr. Merchant alive. Namely a Sergeant Nicolarse ass-wipe and ****stable Fanny Batterbomb.
Danny Butterman: [smiling] Hey, that's us!

View Quote [whilst giving a presentation to a gathering of school children]
Nicholas Angel: Police work is as much about preventing crime as it is about fighting crime. Most importantly it is about procedural correctness in the exercising of unquestionable moral authority. Any questions?
[Danny puts up his hand]
Nicholas Angel: [sotto] Yes?
Danny Butterman: Is it true that there is a place in a man's head that if you shoot it, it will blow up?
[Angel gives Danny a filthy look]