Hot Fuzz

Hot Fuzz quotes

94 total quotes (ID: 277)

Danny Butterman
Multiple Characters
Nicholas Angel
Simon Skinner


Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?
Nicholas Angel: No.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever been involved in a high speed car chase?
Nicholas Angel: Yes I have.
Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed car chase?
Nicholas Angel: No!


Narrator: Police Constable Nicholas Angel: born, schooled in London. Graduated Canterbury University in 1993 with a double first in Politics and Sociology. Attended Hendon College of Police Training and displayed great aptitude in field exercises, notably Urban Pacification and Riot Control. Academically excelled in theoretical coursework and final year examinations. Received the Baton of Honour, graduated with distinction into the Metropolitan Police Service and quickly established an effectiveness and popularity within the community. Proceeded to improve skill base with courses in advanced driving and advanced cycling. Became heavily involved in a number of extra-vocational activities and to this day holds the Met record for the hundred meter dash. In 2001, he began active duty with the renowned SO19 Armed Response Unit and received a Bravery Award for efforts in the resolution of Operation Crackdown. In the last twelve months, he has received nine special commendations, achieved highest arrest record for any officer in the Met and sustained three injuries in the line of duty, most recently in December when wounded by a man dressed as Father Christmas.

[after watching Point Break] I won't argue that it was a no-holds-barred adrenaline fuelled thrill-ride, but there's no way that you could perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

Chief Inspector: I know what you're going to say, Nicholas, but the fact is you've been making us all look bad.
Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry, sir?
Chief Inspector: Of course, we all appreciate your efforts, but you've been rather letting the side down.
Met Inspector: It's all about being a team player, Nicholas.
Met Sergeant: You can't be the Sheriff of London.
Chief Inspector: If we let you carry on running around town, you'll continue to be exceptional... and we can't have that. You'll put us all out of a job.
Nicholas Angel: With respect, sir, you can't just make people disappear.
Chief Inspector: Yes I can, I'm the Chief Inspector.
Nicholas Angel: Well, however you spin this, there's one thing you haven't taken into account... and that's what the team is gonna make of this!
[Nicholas gets up and storms out, only to see all of his colleagues happily standing underneath a banner reading 'Good Luck Nicholas']

Reverend Phillip Shooter: Stop! Stop this, please! Let us stop this mindless violence! Nicholas my son, you may not be a man of God, but surely you are a man of peace.
Nicholas Angel: I may not be a man of god, Reverend, but I know right, and I know wrong, and I have the good grace to know which is which.
Reverend Phillip Shooter: Oh... **** off, grasshopper! [produces two deringers from his robe sleeves and shoots Nicholas]
Danny Butterman: NO! [shoots the Reverend]
Reverend Phillip Shooter: Jesus Christ!
Danny Butterman: NICHOLAS! [Nicholas looks up at him] I thought you was a goner.
Dr. Hatcher: DROP YOUR WEAPONS!
Danny Butterman: Doctor Hatcher, no!
Dr. Hatcher: Shut up, Danny! I brought you into this world, I think its rather fitting that I should be the one to take you out of it. Now... drop 'em.
[Danny throws his shotgun to the ground and it fires, blowing off Hatcher's toe] OWWW!!!
Nicholas Angel: You're a doctor. Deal with it.
Danny Butterman: Yeah, mother****er.
Nicholas Angel: Danny, let's roll.
Danny Butterman: What you thinking?
Nicholas Angel: Pub?

[after arresting Peter ****er for shoplifting, he takes him back to the station]
Sergeant Tony Fisher: Impressive Collar. Shame Mr. Skinner doesn't wanna press charges.
Nicholas Angel: What do you mean, he doesn't wanna press charges?
Simon Skinner: [suddenly appears and starts offering the cookies that Peter stole to the police staff] I'm simply suggesting that young Peter be given a second chance, before he becomes just another crime statistic. I'm sure he's going to learn a valuable lesson.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: Stealing biscuits is... wrong?
Simon Skinner: [offering him a cookie] Correct.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: [eagerly] Oh, thanks!
Nicholas Angel: And yet we respond by not taking a single punitive measure?
Simon Skinner: [smiling with ill-concealed sarcasm] Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: [chuckles childishly whilst scoffing a cookie] It's like the biscuits, isn't it? [chuckles]
Nicholas Angel: Mr. Skinner--
Frank Butterman: Is everything all right?
Nicholas Angel: Well sir, Mr. Skinner feels that it would be better not to prosecute an individual who has committed a blatant offence.
Frank Butterman: [whilst eating dessert] Leave this with me. I'll make sure everyone gets their just desserts.
Music Cue: Oh no!

Sergeant Tony Fisher: Must have hit the sign at some speed. Took the whole top off.
PC Doris Thatcher: I've had my top off in this lay-by. Ha ha!
PC Bob Walker: Tits.
Sergeant Tony Fisher: Most likely lost control here, left the road there, and ended up... here.

DS Andy Wainwright: Murder, murder, murder. Change the ****in' record!

Inspector Frank Butterman: There's a reason we tolerate a few of the younglings at the pub.

Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.
DS Andy Cartwright: [sarcastic] Yeah, cause we all sell apples round here, don't we?
Danny Butterman: Your dad sells apples, Andy.
DC Andy Cartwright: And raspberries.
DS Andy Wainwright: I bet you can't wait to jump into Sergeant Popwell's grave.
Nicholas Angel: I'm not jumping into anyone's grave.
[DC Andy Wainwright drinks some of his beer, leaving a white trail over his large mostache]
Nicholas Angel: You've got a moustache.
DC Andy Wainwright: I know.

Joyce Cooper: It would appear the heavens have opened.

It's a Japanese Peace Lily.

Absolute tosh, wasn't it? It's annoying that the understudies are actually professional actors. Greg over there was an extra in 'Straw Dogs' and Sheri portrayed a cadaver in 'Prime Suspect'.

Met Sergeant: You have to come back. The figures have gone a bit... squiffy in your absence, it has to be said.

[on Angel's first night in the Crown pub, he spies many underage drinkers and, even though he is not an official member of the Sandford police force until the next morning, he is spurred into action]
Nicholas Angel: Excuse me. When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: [confidently] 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Underage Drinker: Every year.
Nicholas Angel: Get out.
[Nicholas approaches a new target]
Nicholas Angel: YOU! When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: Uh... 8th of May, 1969?
Nicholas Angel: You're 37?
Underage Drinker: Yeah.
Nicholas Angel: Get out.
[he approaches a swotty drinker with glasses]
Nicholas Angel: When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker: [panicking] Errr--
Nicholas Angel: OUT!