Happy Gilmore

Happy Gilmore quotes

46 total quotes (ID: 262)

Donald
Happy Gilmore
Mr. Larson
Multiple Characters
Shooter McGavin


Happy Gilmore: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah.
[Virginia shoots puck and scores]
Happy Gilmore: Holy shit. Talk about your all time backfires.


Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car, she's dead.

Crazy Old Lady: Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!
[Happy pours fast food over the woman's head]
Happy Gilmore: Here, eat that and leave us alone!

Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

Bob Barker: Alright, Happy. Nice and easy... That was not nice and easy.

Announcer: Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.

Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Mr. Larson: [after Shooter takes the gold jacket] Hey, I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's! [In slow motion] Raaahrrr! I will get you Shooter! [Amidst beatings] Stay still!

Shooter McGavin: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?


During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

[to alligator that has eaten his ball] That son of a bitch. Give me my ball, give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna--give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye! Chubbs. You took his hand!

Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball... if you can find it.

Somebody's closer!

If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Happy learned how to putt, uh-oh!