Happy Gilmore quotes

53 total quotes

Donald
Happy Gilmore
Mr. Larson
Multiple Characters
Shooter McGavin

View Quote Chubbs: Spoken like a true asshole.

View Quote Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

View Quote Virginia: [stopping Happy from fighting Shooter] Hey, hey, hey, hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.
Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!
Shooter McGavin: Yeah, and Grizzly Adams had a beard.
Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams did have a beard.

View Quote Shooter! Wanna go to the Sizzler and catch some grub?

View Quote Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

View Quote Crazy Old Lady: Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!
[Happy pours fast food over the woman's head]
Happy Gilmore: Here, eat that and leave us alone!

View Quote [to alligator that has eaten his ball] That son of a bitch. Give me my ball, give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna--give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye! Chubbs. You took his hand!

View Quote [to Virginia] You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

View Quote Bob Barker: Alright, Happy. Nice and easy... That was not nice and easy.

View Quote Happy Gilmore: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah.
[Virginia shoots puck and scores]
Happy Gilmore: Holy shit. Talk about your all time backfires.

View Quote Announcer: Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.

View Quote Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car, she's dead.

View Quote Mr. Larson: [after Shooter takes the gold jacket] Hey, I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's! [In slow motion] Raaahrrr! I will get you Shooter! [Amidst beatings] Stay still!

View Quote Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball... if you can find it.

View Quote Happy learned how to putt, uh-oh!