Happy Gilmore

Happy Gilmore quotes

46 total quotes (ID: 262)

Donald
Happy Gilmore
Mr. Larson
Multiple Characters
Shooter McGavin


Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car, she's dead.


Crazy Old Lady: Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!
[Happy pours fast food over the woman's head]
Happy Gilmore: Here, eat that and leave us alone!

You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL... ya jackass!

Bob Barker: Alright, Happy. Nice and easy... That was not nice and easy.

Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

Announcer: Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.

Mr. Larson: [after Shooter takes the gold jacket] Hey, I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's! [In slow motion] Raaahrrr! I will get you Shooter! [Amidst beatings] Stay still!

Shooter McGavin: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?


Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

[to alligator that has eaten his ball] That son of a bitch. Give me my ball, give it here! Cough it up, you dirty bastard. I swear I'm gonna--give the ball, alligator. Hey, you've got one eye! Chubbs. You took his hand!

Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball... if you can find it.

Somebody's closer!

If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Happy learned how to putt, uh-oh!