Happy Gilmore quotes

View Quote Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time on the sand than David Hasselhoff.

View Quote Chubbs: It's all in the hips, yeah, it's all in the hips. It's all in the hips.
Happy Gilmore: Get off of me.
Chubbs: Just easing the tension, baby. Just easing the tension.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, well ease it on someone else.

View Quote Mover #1: I'll tell you what, you hit a ball past my ball, and we'll go straight back to work so you can watch your precious hockey game.
Happy Gilmore: Give me the stupid club. Look at this stupid thing.
Mover #1: This is going to be hilarious. I mean, look how he's standing.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, you like that?
[Happy hits the ball, hits the window to the house at the end of the street]
Mover #1: Holy shit.
Happy Gilmore: Go back to work.
Mover #1: That house is like 400 yards away.
Happy Gilmore: Is that good?
Mover #1: That's unbelieveable.
Mover #2: Beginner's luck. Twenty buck says you can't do it again.
Happy Gilmore: Bring it on.
[Happy hits the ball in the same direction]
Distant neighbor: You guys are going to pay for that! Ow!
Mover #1: You hit that guy.
Happy Gilmore: He shouldn't have been standing there.
Mover #2: One more time, double or nothing.
Happy Gilmore: You better pay up.
[Happy hits the ball, ball hits a woman on the roof of the same house, falls off]
Happy Gilmore: Oops. All right, maybe we should get back inside.

View Quote Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

View Quote [clown laughter] I hate that clown. [Happy succeeds in getting the ball in the clown's mouth] Yeah! [clown head spits ball back out and starts laughing again] You're gonna die, clown! [Happy proceeds to break off the clown's nose with his putter] You think that's funny?! I don't hear you laughing now!

View Quote Virginia: Did you see that?
Shooter McGavin: Yes. Nice shot.
Virginia: He just got a hole-in-one on a par four!
Shooter McGavin: I know. I just said I saw it.
Virginia: [laughs] Oh, I hope he wins. He's a publicist's dream. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball that far - oh, he could really draw a crowd.
[Virginia walks away smiling]
Shooter McGavin: [under his breath] You know what else could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.

View Quote Virginia: I thought we were just going to be friends.
Happy Gilmore: What? Friends listen to Endless Love in the dark.

View Quote Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.

View Quote You son of a bitch ball! Why don't you just go home?! That's your HOME! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my white ass, ball!

View Quote You're gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you're never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL... ya jackass!

View Quote I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets harder to leave. I bet you put something to the water.

View Quote [after an air conditioning vent falls on an old lady] Uh, you know that "Mista, Mista" lady? Well, I think I just killed her.

View Quote This is Shooter's tour!

View Quote Shooter McGavin: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?

View Quote During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.