Happy Gilmore

Happy Gilmore quotes

46 total quotes (ID: 262)

Donald
Happy Gilmore
Mr. Larson
Multiple Characters
Shooter McGavin


[sucking up to Chubbs] I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not very attractive.


I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets harder to leave. I bet you put something to the water.

[clown laughter] I hate that clown. [Happy succeeds in getting the ball in the clown's mouth] Yeah! [clown head spits ball back out and starts laughing again] You're gonna die, clown! [Happy proceeds to break off the clown's nose with his putter] You think that's funny?! I don't hear you laughing now!

Happy Gilmore: Looks like a slight hill. What do ya think?
Otto: And a slant to the left.
Happy Gilmore: Nah, it looks that way cause you've only got one shoe on.

Shooter McGavin: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy: Why don't I just go eat some hay? I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may! What do you say?

Shooter! Wanna go to the Sizzler and catch some grub?

You son of a bitch ball! Why don't you just go home?! That's your HOME! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my white ass, ball!

Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.

Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

Happy Gilmore: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah.
[Virginia shoots puck and scores]
Happy Gilmore: Holy shit. Talk about your all time backfires.

Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car, she's dead.

Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time on the sand than David Hasselhoff.

Bob Barker: Alright, Happy. Nice and easy... That was not nice and easy.

Crazy Old Lady: Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!
[Happy pours fast food over the woman's head]
Happy Gilmore: Here, eat that and leave us alone!

Announcer: Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.