Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Jesus H. Christ! Private Pyle, why is your footlocker unlocked?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I don't know, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, if there is one thing in this world that I hate, it is an unlocked footlocker! You know that, don't you?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: If it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world, would there?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Get down!
[Private Pyle steps down from the footlocker. Hartman flips open the lid with a bang.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well now... let's just see if there's anything missing!
Sergeant Hartman begins rummaging through the box, then freezes. He slowly picks up a jelly doughnut and holds it in disgust with his fingertips.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that? What is that, Private Pyle?!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: A jelly doughnut?!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you hide a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry?
[Sergeant Hartman starts to walk down the line of recruits, with the jelly doughnut still at hand.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored the platoon! I have tried to help him, but I have failed! I have failed because you have not helped me! You have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up, I will not punish him, I will punish all of you! And the way I see it, ladies, you owe me for one jelly doughnut! Now, get on your faces!
[The other recruits get in front-leaning-rest position.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [to Pyle] Open your mouth!
[He shoves the jelly doughnut into Pyle's mouth.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: They're paying for it, you eat it!

Private Joker: [whispering] Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing! I will P.T. you all until you fucking die! I'll P.T. you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk!.
[Gunnery Sergeant Hartman grabs Private Cowboy by the shirt.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?!
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking worm! I'll bet it was you!
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Private Joker: Sir, I said it, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well... no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister.
[Gunnery Sergeant Hartman punches Private Joker in the stomach. He sags to his knees.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you. Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
Private Joker: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?
Private Joker: Sir, to kill, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: So you're a killer!
Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Let me see your war face!
Private Joker: Sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You got a war face? Aaaaaaaagh! That's a war face. Now let me see your war face!
Private Joker: Aaaaaaaagh!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see your real war face!
Private Joker: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You don't scare me! Work on it!
Private Joker: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What's your excuse?
Private Cowboy: Sir, excuse for what, sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'm asking the fucking questions here, Private. Do you understand?!
Private Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?
Private Cowboy: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
Private Cowboy: Sir, I am, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do I make you nervous?
Private Cowboy: Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Sir, what? Were you about to call me an asshole?!
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, Private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five foot nine, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five foot nine? I didn't know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated! Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, Texas, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down! Do you suck dicks?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you a peter-puffer?
Private Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Did your parents have any children that lived?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'll bet they regret that! You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! What's your name, fatbody?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Lawrence? Lawrence, what, of Arabia?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That name sounds like royalty! Are you royalty?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you suck dicks?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! I'll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I don't like the name Lawrence! Only fagots and sailors are called Lawrence! From now on you're Gomer Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
[Pyle smiles strangely.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I'm trying, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds--exactly three fucking seconds--to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! One! Two! Three!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I can't help it, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! Get on your knees, scumbag!
[Pvt. Pyle drops to his knees. Sgt. Hartman holds out his hand.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Now choke yourself!
[Pvt. Pyle puts his own hands around his neck.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Goddamn it, with my hand, numb nuts!!
[Pvt. Pyle reaches towards Sgt. Hartman's hand. Hartman jerks it away.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Don't pull my fucking hand over there! I said choke yourself! Now lean forward and choke yourself!
[Pvt. Pyle leans forward onto Sgt. Hartman's hand. Hartman chokes Pyle.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you through grinning?
Private Gomer Pyle: [barely able to speak] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! I can't hear you!
Private Gomer Pyle: [gasping] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit! I still can't hear you! Sound off like you've got a pair!
Private Gomer Pyle: [gagging] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That's enough! Get on your feet! Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cuff links... or I will definitely fuck you up!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!

If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training... you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for war. But until that day you are pukes! You're the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings! You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair! There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops, or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless! And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: As soon as you finish your bunks, I want you two turds to clean the head.
Joker and Cowboy: [in unison] Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump!
Joker and Cowboy: [in unison] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
Private Joker: Sir, no, sir!
[Hartman throws down the garbage can he's holding with a loud bang.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!
Private Joker: Sir, the private said "No, sir," sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Why, you little maggot! You make me want to vomit!
[Hartman slaps Joker, hard, across the cheek.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary... or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you do love the Virgin Mary, don't you?!
Private Joker: Sir, negative, sir!!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?!
Private Joker: Sir, negative, sir!!! Sir, the private believes that any answer he gives will be wrong! And the Senior Drill Instructor will beat him harder if he reverses himself, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Whose your Squad Leader, scumbag?
Private Joker: Sir, the private's Squad Leader is Private Snowball, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Snowball!
Private Snowball: Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Snowball, you're fired! Private Joker is promoted to Squad Leader.
Private Snowball: Sir, aye-aye, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Disappear, scumbag!
Private Snowball: Sir, aye-aye, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, from now on Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything. He'll teach you how to pee.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker is silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts, and guts is enough. Now, you ladies carry on!
Joker, Cowboy and Pyle: [in unison] Sir, aye-aye, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What is this Mickey Mouse shit? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head? [to Joker] Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights out?! Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?
Private Joker: Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the Senior Drill Instructor that Private Pyle has a full magazine and has locked and loaded, sir!
[Hartman and Pyle look at each other.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Now you listen to me, Private Pyle, and you listen good. I want that weapon, and I want it now! You will place that rifle on the deck at your feet and step back away from it.
[With a twisted smile on his face, Pyle points the rifle at Hartman.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?!! Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?!!
[Pyle shoots Hartman once in the chest, killing him. The body falls to the floor in slow motion; Joker and Pyle stare at it for a moment before Pyle targets Joker.]
Private Joker: [trembling] Easy, Leonard. Go easy, man.
[Pyle sits down heavily on one of the toilets, puts the barrel in his mouth,
Private Joker: No!!!
[Pyle pulls the trigger and blood and brains splatter the wall behind him as he slumps backward, dead.]

Note: Many of these were ad-libbed by actor and former US Marine drill instructor R. Lee Ermey. Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking die! I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.

What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention, when you were a child?!

Marines: This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.

Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines! God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep Heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you?! Then quit you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! Now! Move it! I'm gonna rip your balls off so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!

Da Nang Hooker: Hey, you got girlfriend Vietnam? .... Me so horny. Me love you long time.

Door Gunner: Get some! Get some! Get some, get some! Yeah, YEAH! C'mon, C'mon! Get some! [whilst shooting wildly at civilians]

You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!

Today you people are no longer maggots. Today you are Marines. You're part of a brotherhood. [voiceover] From now on, until the day you die, wherever you are, every Marine is your brother. Most of you will go to Vietnam. Some of you will not come back. But always remember this: Marines die, that's what were here for! But the Marine Corps lives forever. And that means you live forever!

If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang.