Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: As soon as you finish your bunks, I want you two turds to clean the head.
Joker and Cowboy: [in unison] Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump!
Joker and Cowboy: [in unison] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
Private Joker: Sir, no, sir!
[Hartman throws down the garbage can he's holding with a loud bang.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!
Private Joker: Sir, the private said "No, sir," sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Why, you little maggot! You make me want to vomit!
[Hartman slaps Joker, hard, across the cheek.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary... or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you do love the Virgin Mary, don't you?!
Private Joker: Sir, negative, sir!!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?!
Private Joker: Sir, negative, sir!!! Sir, the private believes that any answer he gives will be wrong! And the Senior Drill Instructor will beat him harder if he reverses himself, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Whose your Squad Leader, scumbag?
Private Joker: Sir, the private's Squad Leader is Private Snowball, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Snowball!
Private Snowball: Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Snowball, you're fired! Private Joker is promoted to Squad Leader.
Private Snowball: Sir, aye-aye, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Disappear, scumbag!
Private Snowball: Sir, aye-aye, Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle, from now on Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything. He'll teach you how to pee.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker is silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts, and guts is enough. Now, you ladies carry on!
Joker, Cowboy and Pyle: [in unison] Sir, aye-aye, sir!
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