[Hartman is calling off assignments to the newly christened Marines]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Joker!
Private Joker: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Forty-two-twelve, Basic Military Journalism. You gotta be shitting me, Joker! You think you're Mickey Spillane? Do you think you're some kind of ****ing writer?
Private Joker: Sir, I wrote for my high school newspaper, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Jesus H. Christ, you're not a writer, you're a killer!
Private Joker: A killer, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Gomer Pyle!
[Pyle doesn't answer.]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Gomer Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: [now completely with-drawn, barely able to answer Hartman] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You forget your ****ing name? O-three-hundred, Infantry. You made it.

Da Nang Hooker: Hey, you got girlfriend Vietnam? .... Me so horny. Me love you long time.

Note: Many of these were ad-libbed by actor and former US Marine drill instructor R. Lee Ermey. Who said that? Who the **** said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed **** down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy ****ing godmother said it. Out-****ing-standing. I will PT you all until you ****ing die! I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.

[narrating] Parris Island, South Carolina. The Marine Corps Training Depot. An eight-week college for the phony tough and the crazy brave.

Private Joker: Are those... live rounds?
Private Gomer Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter, full metal jacket.
[Pyle smiles grotesquely.]
Private Joker: Leonard, if Hartman comes in here and catches us, we'll both be in a world of shit.
Private Gomer Pyle: I am... in a world... of shit!

If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training... you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for war. But until that day you are pukes! You're the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human ****ing beings! You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair! There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on ****s, kikes, wops, or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless! And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?

If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang.

Sergeant Joker: Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Sergeant Cowboy: Hey, start the cameras. This is "Vietnam: The Movie."
Private Eightball: Yeah, Joker can be John Wayne. I'll be a horse.
Donlon: T.H.E. Rock can be a rock.
T.H.E. Rock: I'll be Ann-Margret.
Doc Jay: Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo.
Crazy Earl: I'll be General Custer.
Private Rafterman: Well, who'll be the Indians?
Animal Mother: Hey, we'll let the gooks play the Indians.

Door Gunner: Get some! Get some! Get some, get some! Yeah, YEAH! C'mon, C'mon! Get some! [whilst shooting wildly at civilians]

One for the commandant! And one for the corps! Pull! Pull! *private drops from pullup bar* I guess the corps don't get theirs.

Door Gunner: Anyone who runs is a V.C.! Anyone who stands still... is a well-disciplined V.C.!

[narrating] My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming **** Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece, and short. I'm in a world of shit... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.

Crazy Earl: These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.

Sergeant Cowboy: (after Hand Job is killed) Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.
Sergeant Joker: What was the matter with him?
Sergeant Cowboy: He was jerkin' off ten times a day.
Sergeant Eightball: No shit. At least ten times a day.
Sergeant Cowboy: Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy ****er starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.

Private Cowboy: Don't shit me, man!
Private Joker: I wouldn't shit you. You're my favorite turd!