Freddy Got Fingered

Freddy Got Fingered quotes

33 total quotes (ID: 1041)

Darren
Gord Brody
Others


[Gord is building his skateboard ramp early in the morning]
Darren: Shh! Gord! Gord! Don't hammer 'em so loud. Geez, it's late, you're gonna wake up your parents.
Gord: You're right. I should probably use the electric nail gun.
Darren: Yeah.
[Gord starts using it and it creates even more noise]
Darren: Shh! Gord!
Gord: What?
Jim: Oh, boys. Will you two ****s stop making so ****ing much noise? We're sleeping.
[Gord starts nailing in more hammers to annoy Jim]
Darren: Shhh!
Jim: Goddamnit! IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING! Stop the ****ing hammering!
Mr. Malloy: Gordy! I got a kid over here, okay! Gord, are you guys almost done over there?
Gord: Yeah, nearly, Mr. Malloy.
Andy: Hey, Gord. Can I play on your ramp tomorrow?
Gord: Sure, Andy. Any time.
[Jim screams out of rage then goes back into the house]
Darren: Does your dad got, like, bowel problems?


Therapist: Jim, do you hear what Gord is saying here?
Jim: I hear him boohooing about his broken wheelie-board ramp. Is that what you mean?
Therapist: Yes, Jim. But do you understand what he's saying? Sounds to me like he just wants you to accept him as your son. To approve of him and what he wants to do with his life. How does that make you feel?
Jim: First of all, I don't give a rat's ass what this punk wants. As long as he lives in my house and eats my food, I make the rules.
Gord: I wanna eat chicken burgers!
[Jim stands up]
Julie: Jim, don't hurt my baby. Now, sit down.
Jim: You're an embarrassment to my family.
Gord: Oh, yeah? Well, at least I don't touch Freddy.
Jim: Say what?
Therapist: Excuse me?
Gord: Yeah, he touches my little brother. He takes him behind the furnace and touches him.
Jim: See the insanity I put up with?
Gord: He's embarrassed.
Julie: Jim!
Gord: He touches my little brother. He...he...[looks at his fingers] he fingers him.
Jim: You're a goddamn liar.
Julie: Jim! Do you touch him? Do you finger our boy?
Jim: Don't you get wacky on me. What the **** are we talking about?
Therapist: Mr. Brody, this is very serious. Based on what I've heard here today, I am required by law to notify the authorities.
Gord: You hear that, Dad? You're gonna pay! He's a molester. He's a chiiild molester!
[throws statue threw window and then jumps out screaming]
Jim: You'd better run, you liaaaaaaar!

He's a molester... He's a CHIIIILD molester!!!