Dumb and Dumber

Dumb and Dumber quotes

46 total quotes (ID: 180)


[checking the map] So far, we've driven only 4 inches.

[leg is on fire while asking for Beth Jordan's phone number] FOR GOD'S SAKES, JUST GIMME THE DAMN NUMBER!!!!

We're almost in Colorado. What do you say we change seats? I've been driving for nine straight hours. I don't have the energy to start a new state.

Look at the fun-bags on that hose hound.

[to Mary] Nice set of hooters you got there.

You can't triple-stamp a double-stamp!

Harry: What's her last name? I'll look it up.
Lloyd: You know, I don't really recall. Starts with an S! Let's see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
Harry: Maybe it's on the briefcase.
Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It's right here.
[He reads the manufacturer's name, which is Samsonite.]
Lloyd: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.

Nick: Gentlemen, this is a $500 dollar a plate dinner. Good night.
(Harry puts cash in Nicks' pocket)
Harry: Okay, put us down for four.
Lloyd: In case we want seconds.

Lloyd: Excuse me, little old lady. Do you have change for a dollar?
Elderly woman: Change? No I'm sorry, I don't.
Lloyd: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?
Elderly woman: Of course.
Lloyd: Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!

Harry: Where's the booze?
Lloyd: I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it comin'!
[Harry starts to moan in despair.]
Lloyd: Oh, come on buddy, it's not that bad...come on, man...
Harry: It gets worse, Lloyd. Y'know my parakeet Petey?
Lloyd: Yeah?
Harry: He's dead.
Lloyd: Oh man...I'm sorry...what happened?
Harry: His head fell off.
Lloyd: His head fell off?
Harry: Yeah, he was pretty old.

Lloyd: I'm talkin' about a place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talkin' about a little place called Aspen.
Harry: Oh, I dunno, Lloyd, the French are assholes.

Lloyd: The least you could do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean like one out of a hundred?
Mary: More like one out of a million.
Lloyd: So you're tellin' me there's a chance.

Harry: I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week!

Lloyd: Funny. I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Harry: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.

Harry: Look at the buns on that.
Lloyd: Yeaaaah...he must work out.