Lloyd quotes

We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets' heads are fallin' off!!

Life's a fragile thing Harry... One minute you're chewin on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat.

Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot!

AH! Harry! Your hands are freezing!

No way? Thats great! We landed on the moon!

Harry, I took care of it.

I got worms.

Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy!

So you're telling me there's a chance.

Harry, I got some beef jer....

How come I didn't get a dildo?

Good bye my looooove!

Find a happy place, find a happy place!

It's okay, I'm a limo driver!

Man, you are one pathetic loser! No offense.

I was robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it coming!

I fell off the jetway again.

Yea. He must work out.

[after accidentally killing a mobster in a restaurant] Check, please!

[dreaming that he's shooting Mary's husband] DIE!

[To Harry] We're in a hole .. we're just gonna have to dig ourselves out

(pretends to promote Turbo Lax) 1/2 teaspoon, for fast, effective relief.

You know what I'm sick and tired of, Harry? I'm sick and tired of having to eek my way through life. I'm sick and tired of being a nobody. (pause) But most of all, I'm sick and tired of having nobody.

I'll tell ya where we'll go. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. And beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.

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