Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb quotes

59 total quotes (ID: 700)

Colonel 'Bat' Guano
Dr. Strangelove
General "Buck" Turgidson
General Jack D. Ripper
Lionel Mandrake
Major T. J. "King" Kong
Multiple Characters
Narrator
President Merkin Muffley


Guano: I think there's some kind of deviated prevert. And I think General Ripper found out about your preversion and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts....All I was told to do was get General Ripper on the phone with the President of the United States.
Mandrake: And I can assure you, if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense, the court of Enquiry on this'll give you such a pranging, you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant.


Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.

Ripper: The base is being put on Condition Red. I want this flashed to all sections immediately.
Mandrake: Condition Red, sir, yes, jolly good idea. That keeps the men on their toes.
Ripper: Group Captain, I'm afraid this is not an exercise.
Mandrake: Not an exercise, sir?
Ripper: It looks like we're in a shooting war.
Mandrake: Oh hell. Are the Russians involved, sir?
Ripper: It just came in on the Red Phone. My orders are for this base to be sealed tight, and that's what I mean to do, seal it tight. Now, I want you to transmit plan R, R for Robert, to the wing. Plan R for Robert...It looks like it's pretty hairy...Now last, and possibly most important - I want all privately-owned radios to be immediately impounded...They might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs.

Muffley: General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons.
Turgidson: That's right sir. You are the only person authorized to do so. And although I hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like General Ripper exceeded his authority.

Russian Ambassador: The fools...the mad fools...The Doomsday Machine...A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth.

Russian Ambassador: When it is detonated, it will produce enough lethal radioactive fallout so that within ten months, the surface of the Earth will be as dead as the moon!...When they are exploded, they will produce a Doomsday shroud. A lethal cloud of radioactivity which will encircle the earth for ninety-three years!...It is not anything a sane man would do. The Doomsday Machine is designed to trigger itself automatically...It is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to untrigger it...
Turgidson: That's a load of Commie bull and an obvious Commie trick.
Muffley: It's absolute madness.
Russian Ambassador: There were those of us who fought against us. But in the end, we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. And at the same time, our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. Our Doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we'd been spending on defense in a single year. But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a Doomsday gap.
Muffley: This is preposterous! I've never approved of anything like that!
Russian Ambassador: Our source was the New York Times.

Air Force Base Guard: You sure gotta hand it to those Commies...Gee, those trucks sure look like the real thing, don't they?...I wonder where they got 'em from?...Probably bought them from the Army as war surplus...OK. Open up at 200 yards.

[on the phone, in the War Room] Well, look baby, I can't, can't talk to you now, but... My president needs me. Of course Bucky would rather be there with you. Of course it isn't only physical. I deeply respect you as a human being. Someday I'm gonna make you Mrs. Buck Turgidson. Listen, you go back to sleep. Bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can. All right? Listen, sug', don't forget to say your prayers.

[on the phone] Dmitri, look, if this report is true and the plane manages to bomb the target, is it...is this going to...is this going to set off the Doomsday Machine? Are you sure? Well, I...I guess you're just gonna have to get that plane, Dmitri. Dmitri, I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low, but they're trained to do it. You know, it's, it's initiative! Look, Dmitri, you know exactly where they're going and I'm sure your entire air defense can stop a single plane. Listen, I mean, it's not gonna help either one of us if a, if the, if the Doomsday Machine goes off, now is it? Dmi...Dmitri, there's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this! Dmitri! Keep your feet on the ground when you're talking, Dmitri...Can I give you just one word of advice, Dmitri? Listen, Dmitri, put everything you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss.

Well, boys, I reckon this is it. New-q-lure combat, toe-to-toe with the Rooskies. Now look, boys. I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches. But I got a pretty fair idea that somethin' doggoned important's going on back there. And I got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions that some of you fellas may be thinkin'. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human beins if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelings about nuclear combat. But I want you to remember one thing - the folks back home is a countin' on ya, and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. Tell ya somethin' else - this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions an' personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for every last one of ya, regardless of your race, color, or your creed. Now, let's get this thing on the hump. We got some flyin' to do.

[Muffley rebukes] Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops! Uh, depending on the breaks. [after learning Muffley is allowing the Russian ambassador to enter the war room] You gonna let that lousy Commie punk vomit all over us like this? No offense, sir, but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be?! I mean, he'll see everything! He'll see the big board!

Now you listen to me, Colonel Bat Guano, if that is your real name!

Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth...Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing, but it is necessary now to make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless, distinguishable post-war environments. One, where you got 20 million people killed, and the other where you got 150 million people killed.

Lt. Zogg: Major Kong, is it possible this is some kind of loyalty test? You know: give the 'go code' and then recall to see who would actually go? James Earl Jones' film debut.

I'm beginning to smell a big fat Commie rat. I mean, supposin' Kissof is lyin' about that fourth plane, just lookin' for an excuse to clobber us. I mean, if the spaghetti hits the fan, now we're really in trouble.