Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb quotes

59 total quotes (ID: 700)

Colonel 'Bat' Guano
Dr. Strangelove
General "Buck" Turgidson
General Jack D. Ripper
Lionel Mandrake
Major T. J. "King" Kong
Multiple Characters
Narrator
President Merkin Muffley


Ripper: The base is being put on Condition Red. I want this flashed to all sections immediately.
Mandrake: Condition Red, sir, yes, jolly good idea. That keeps the men on their toes.
Ripper: Group Captain, I'm afraid this is not an exercise.
Mandrake: Not an exercise, sir?
Ripper: It looks like we're in a shooting war.
Mandrake: Oh hell. Are the Russians involved, sir?
Ripper: It just came in on the Red Phone. My orders are for this base to be sealed tight, and that's what I mean to do, seal it tight. Now, I want you to transmit plan R, R for Robert, to the wing. Plan R for Robert...It looks like it's pretty hairy...Now last, and possibly most important - I want all privately-owned radios to be immediately impounded...They might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs.


If...we were to immediately launch an all-out and coordinated attack on all their airfields and missile bases we'd stand a damn good chance of catchin 'em with their pants down. Hell, we got five to one missile superiority as it is. We could easily assign three missiles to every target and still have a very effective reserve force for any other contingency...An unofficial study [he rifles through the binder entitled World Targets in Megadeaths], which we undertook of this eventuality, indicate that we would destroy ninety percent of their nuclear capabilities. We would therefore prevail and suffer only modest and acceptable civilian casualties from the remaining force which would be badly damaged and uncoordinated.

Russian Ambassador: The fools...the mad fools...The Doomsday Machine...A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth.

Muffley: General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons.
Turgidson: That's right sir. You are the only person authorized to do so. And although I hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like General Ripper exceeded his authority.

[on the phone] Dmitri, look, if this report is true and the plane manages to bomb the target, is it...is this going to...is this going to set off the Doomsday Machine? Are you sure? Well, I...I guess you're just gonna have to get that plane, Dmitri. Dmitri, I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low, but they're trained to do it. You know, it's, it's initiative! Look, Dmitri, you know exactly where they're going and I'm sure your entire air defense can stop a single plane. Listen, I mean, it's not gonna help either one of us if a, if the, if the Doomsday Machine goes off, now is it? Dmi...Dmitri, there's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this! Dmitri! Keep your feet on the ground when you're talking, Dmitri...Can I give you just one word of advice, Dmitri? Listen, Dmitri, put everything you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss.

Air Force Base Guard: You sure gotta hand it to those Commies...Gee, those trucks sure look like the real thing, don't they?...I wonder where they got 'em from?...Probably bought them from the Army as war surplus...OK. Open up at 200 yards.

Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.

[Muffley rebukes] Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops! Uh, depending on the breaks. [after learning Muffley is allowing the Russian ambassador to enter the war room] You gonna let that lousy Commie punk vomit all over us like this? No offense, sir, but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be?! I mean, he'll see everything! He'll see the big board!

[on phone] Indeed, I did send out the order for Plan R, R for Robert...yes...yes, I take full responsibility...eh? Oh, no...don't you see, General? The commies...don't you--don't you use Clemenceau on me. The planes...no, it can't be done, Ripper. They are on their way in and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. My boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now. So let's get going. There's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids. God bless you all. [hangs up] And godspeed, soldier.

Now you listen to me, Colonel Bat Guano, if that is your real name!

Lt. Zogg: Major Kong, is it possible this is some kind of loyalty test? You know: give the 'go code' and then recall to see who would actually go? James Earl Jones' film debut.

Russian Ambassador: When it is detonated, it will produce enough lethal radioactive fallout so that within ten months, the surface of the Earth will be as dead as the moon!...When they are exploded, they will produce a Doomsday shroud. A lethal cloud of radioactivity which will encircle the earth for ninety-three years!...It is not anything a sane man would do. The Doomsday Machine is designed to trigger itself automatically...It is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to untrigger it...
Turgidson: That's a load of Commie bull and an obvious Commie trick.
Muffley: It's absolute madness.
Russian Ambassador: There were those of us who fought against us. But in the end, we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. And at the same time, our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. Our Doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we'd been spending on defense in a single year. But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a Doomsday gap.
Muffley: This is preposterous! I've never approved of anything like that!
Russian Ambassador: Our source was the New York Times.

Well, boys, I reckon this is it. New-q-lure combat, toe-to-toe with the Rooskies. Now look, boys. I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches. But I got a pretty fair idea that somethin' doggoned important's going on back there. And I got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions that some of you fellas may be thinkin'. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human beins if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelings about nuclear combat. But I want you to remember one thing - the folks back home is a countin' on ya, and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. Tell ya somethin' else - this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions an' personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for every last one of ya, regardless of your race, color, or your creed. Now, let's get this thing on the hump. We got some flyin' to do.

Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth...Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing, but it is necessary now to make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless, distinguishable post-war environments. One, where you got 20 million people killed, and the other where you got 150 million people killed.

Muffley: General Turgidson, it is the avowed policy of our nation never to strike first with nuclear weapons.
Turgidson: Well, sir, I would say that General Ripper has already invalidated that policy!
Muffley: That was not an act of national policy and there are still alternatives left open to us.