President Merkin Muffley quotes

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room! Note: ranked #64 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

[on the phone, after having been told that the Russian Premiere is drunk] Hello? Uh, hello? Hello, Dmitri? Listen, I can't hear too well, do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? [pause] Oh, that's much better. Yes. Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri. Clear and plain and coming through fine. I'm coming through fine too, eh? Good, then. Well then, as you say we're both coming through fine. Good. Well, it's good that you're fine, and - and I'm fine. I agree with you. It's great to be fine. [Laughs] Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb. [pause] The BOMB, Dmitri! The hydrogen bomb! Well now, what happened is, uh, one of our base commanders, he had a sort of, well, he went a little funny in the head. You know. Just a little...funny. And uh, he went and did a silly thing. Well, I'll tell you what he did, he ordered his planes...to attack your country. Well, let me finish, Dmitri. Let me finish, Dmitri. Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dmitri? Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? [sounding hurt] Of course I like to speak to you! Of course I like to say hello! Not now, but any time, Dmitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened. It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call. Listen, if it wasn't friendly,...you probably wouldn't have even got it. They will not reach their targets for at least another hour. [pause] I'm sorry too, Dmitri. I'm very sorry. All right! You're sorrier than I am! But I am sorry as well. I am as sorry as you are Dmitri. Don't say that you are more sorry than I am, because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are. So we're both sorry, all right? All right.

[on the phone] Dmitri, look, if this report is true and the plane manages to bomb the target, is it...is this going to...is this going to set off the Doomsday Machine? Are you sure? Well, I...I guess you're just gonna have to get that plane, Dmitri. Dmitri, I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low, but they're trained to do it. You know, it's, it's initiative! Look, Dmitri, you know exactly where they're going and I'm sure your entire air defense can stop a single plane. Listen, I mean, it's not gonna help either one of us if a, if the, if the Doomsday Machine goes off, now is it? Dmi...Dmitri, there's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this! Dmitri! Keep your feet on the ground when you're talking, Dmitri...Can I give you just one word of advice, Dmitri? Listen, Dmitri, put everything you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss.

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