Conspiracy Theory

Conspiracy Theory quotes

39 total quotes (ID: 822)

Alice Sutton
Dr. Jonas
Jerry Fletcher

[Jerry's latest passenger sighs contendedly as they pull away from the curb.]
Jerry Fletcher: The sound of love.
Passenger: Excuse me?
Jerry: That, what you just did. [imitates sigh] That's love.
Passenger: Love's just a pretty way of saying, "I want to sleep with you."
Jerry: Admit it. I saw you kiss her. This is the street where love lives.
Passenger: Love is bullshit.
Jerry: Love give you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it "Geronimo".
Passenger: Geronimo?
Jerry: Yeah, Geronimo. See, when you're in love, you'll jump off the Empire State and you won't care. Screaming, "Geronimo" all the way down. It's great.
Passenger: Yeah, but then you'll die. You'll squash yourself. So what's the point?
Jerry: Hey, aren't you listening? I'm telling you, man -- love gives you wings!
Passenger: [laughs] She must be some girl.

Jerry: David Berkowitz, Ted Bundy, Richard Speck…
Alice: What about them?
Jerry: Serial killers. Serial killers only have two names, you ever notice that? But lone-gunman assassins, they always have three names. John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, Mark David Chapman…
Alice: John Hinckley. He shot Reagan. He only has two names.
Jerry: Yeah, but he only just shot Reagan. Reagan didn't die. If Reagan had died, I'm pretty sure… we probably would all know what John Hinckley's middle name was.

[Jerry's silent captors are strapping him down in a wheelchair.]
Jerry: So, you guys must be spooks, right? Spooks? C.I.A.? Come on, say something. Please?
[The spooks start duct-taping his limbs in place]
Jerry: I was right! I was right! Uh... what was I right about?
[A blindingly bright light is shined in his face]
Jerry: I wasn't right about anything. I was wrong. I was wrong!
Dr. Jonas: To whom have you been talking, Jerry?
Jerry: Talking? I talk to all kinds of people. I mean, I drive a cab. I talk to people all day long.
Dr. Jonas: Who else knows what we know?
Jerry: What we... what do we know?
Dr. Jonas: [sternly] Who else knows what we know, Jerry?
Jerry: What? Tell me what. What do we know? What do we know? If I know what we know, then I could tell you what we know, and if someone else knows. Okay? I mean, it's... you gotta be more specific.
[Dr. Jonas holds up a syringe full of an unknown chemical.]
Jerry: Wh-what is that?
Dr. Jonas: Gravy for the brain.
Jerry: No... not gravy!

Alice Sutton: Do you have any proof of this?
Jerry Fletcher: No. Absolutely not. I mean, a good conspiracy is an unproveable one.

You know what they put in the water, don't you? Fluoride. Yeah, fluoride -- on the pretext that it strengthens your teeth! That's ridiculous. You know what that stuff does to you? It weakens your will, destroys your capacity for free and creative thought, and makes you a slave to the state!

Black helicopters, right? You've heard about them, black helicopters? Yeah, they're on, they're on whisper mode, so you can't hear 'em till they've already gone! You know?

A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line.

[The street is flooded when Jerry stops to pick up his daily stack of newspapers.]
Flip [news vendor]: Water main broke all the way up on 40th Street and 7th Avenue. They say the subway's a damn river.
Jerry: Strange.
Flip: What's up, Jerry? What you thinking?
Jerry: Well... water mains don't usually break unless it's wintertime. The, uh, pipes burst open because it's cold. And.. it's only the First of October.
Flip: Reminds me of life in the Delta.
Jerry: Yeah. Mississippi, all right.
Flip: Mekong, my friend. Mekong.
Jerry: Hey, Flip... did I ever tell you that the whole Vietnam War was fought over a bet that Howard Hughes lost to Aristotle Onassis?

[Jerry is struggling with security guards, demanding to see Alice Sutton.]
Jerry Fletcher: I am an American citizen! I have a right to be here!
Alice Sutton: Officers! Officers, please! I'm Alice Sutton. I'll take it from here.
Jerry: [suddenly calm] Hi, Alice.
Alice: You need to start making appointments.
Jerry: Uh... can I make one now? Say, in a couple of minutes? I can wait if you're busy.
Alice: Come around.
Alice: I don't see the connection.
Jerry: You don't see the connection? Come on. Six major earthquakes in the last three-and-a-half years, and the space shuttle up in orbit for every single one of 'em. Don't you think that's a little strange?
Alice: Testing some top-secret seismic weapon?
Jerry: No, not testing. Using. Nukes are pass?. We're talking weapon of the future.
Alice: Okay, but I still don't see what it has to do with the president.
Jerry: The president is in Europe at the moment, and tomorrow he'll be, uh, in Turkey. Right here, along this fault line. And they sent up a space shuttle yesterday.
Alice: Motive?
Jerry: Motive? How about fifty billion dollars, how's that for a motive? The president's cutting funding for NASA, the milk-cow of the aerospace industry. And that's a lot of milk.
Alice: Um, so... you're telling me that NASA is going to kill the president of the United States with an earthquake
Jerry: It's not the kind of thing a Secret Service agent can, like, just throw himself on top of, is it?
Alice: Now, I have to go. My boss is looking to yell at me.
Jerry: Oh. Do you want me to talk to him? You know, smooth things out for you?
Alice: No, Jerry. I want you to go home, or wherever it is that you go. And I want you to make an appointment next time. Please? You can't just keep bursting in here.
Jerry: That's... it's just what they'd be expecting me to do. If I make an appointment --
Alice: Jerry. I have a serious job here. I have a boss I must answer to. Do you understand that?
Jerry: I'm sorry. You're right.
Alice: Use your common sense.
Jerry: Okay. Okay, deal. So, are you gonna warn him?
Alice: Who?
Jerry: [exasperated sigh] The president.
Alice: I'm not gonna promise you anything, okay?

[A captive aboard a helicopter, Jerry watches Alice flee for her life from Dr. Jonas' henchmen.]
Jerry Fletcher: Alice...
Dr. Jonas: You shouldn't watch, Jerry. This is a moment without hope.
Jerry: You've never seen her run.

Do you know what it's like, Mister Willion, to think you know what happened, but to never be sure?

[At his apartment, Jerry balances an empty bottle on the doorknob.]
Alice: Is that supposed to protect you from aliens or something?
Jerry: No, no. It's just a beer bottle.

Is that one of those new hundreds? You know, where they changed the picture of Ben Franklin? Look at him, yeah. He looks like the love child of-of, uh, Fred Mertz and Rosie O'Donnell! Yeah, that's him, yeah. Get rid of it as soon as you can, lady. Look at it up in the light. You see that metal strip? That's a tracking device!

They, they start when you're young, you know, in school. They Baden-Powell all the boys and-and they Betty Crocker all the girls!

You ever wonder about these militia groups? Survivalist-type kooks on the right wing side? They say they're defending the country from U.N. troops. These guys are yelling so loud, my theory is that this is a conspiracy, pal -- they ARE the U.N. troops, and they're in place. The infrastructure's ready, it's a faith accompli. When the time comes, they'll just take over and we'll all be toast.