Charlie and the Chocolate Factory quotes

View Quote Grandpa Joe: I saw Willy Wonka with my own two eyes. I used to work for him, you know.
Charlie Bucket: You did?
Grandma Joesephine: He did.
Grandpa George: He did.
Grandma Georgina: I love grapes!
Grandpa Joe: Of course, I was a much younger man in those days.

View Quote Prince Pondicherry: [about his chocolate palace] It is perfect in every way.
Willy Wonka: Yeah, but it won't last long. You better start eating right now.
Prince Pondicherry: Oh, nonsense! I will not eat my palace. I intend to live in it.

View Quote Charlie Bucket: [about the chocolate factory] But it didn't close forever, it's open right now.
Mrs. Bucket: Ah yes, well, sometimes when grown-ups say "forever" they mean "a very long time".
Grandpa George: Besides, I feel as though I've eaten nothing but cabbage soup forever.
Mr. Bucket: Now pops...
Charlie Bucket: There must be people working there.
Grandma Josephine: Think about it, Charlie. Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory? Or coming out of it?
Charlie Bucket: No. The gates are always closed.
Grandpa Joe: Exactly.
Charlie Bucket: But then, who's running the machines?
Mrs. Bucket: Nobody knows, Charlie.
Mr. Bucket: It certainly is a mystery.
Charlie Bucket: Hasn't someone asked Mr. Wonka?
Grandpa Joe: Nobody sees him anymore. He never comes out. The only thing that comes out of that place is the candy. Already packed and addressed. I'd give anything in the world just to go in one more time and see that what's become of that amazing factory.

View Quote Mike Teavee: All you had to do was check the manufacturing dates, offset by weather and separate by the Nekei index. A **** could figure it out.
Mr. Teavee: Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. Kids today with all the technology...
Mike Teavee: [To his video game] DIE!! DIE!! DIE!!!!
Mr. Teavee: ... It doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.

View Quote [After the puppet show opening bursts into flames]
Willy Wonka: [clapping] Ha ha ha, wasn't that just magnificent? I thought it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but that finale...Wow!
Violet Baeuregarde: Who are you?
Grandpa Joe: He's Willy Wonka!
Charlie Bucket: Really!
Willy Wonka: Good morning starshine, the Earth says hello! [takes out flash cards] Greetings. Welcome to my factory. I shake you warmly by the hand. My name is Willy Wonka.
Veruca Salt: Then shouldn't you be up there? [points to stage]
Willy Wonka: Well, I couldn't very well watch the show from up there, now, could I, little girl?
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Wonderful, welcome back. Lets get a move on, shall we?
Augustus Gloop: Don't you want to know our names?
Willy Wonka: Couldn't see how it wouldn't matter.

View Quote Veruca Salt: Let's be friends.
Violet Beauregarde: Best friends.
[both turn away, obviously hating each other]

View Quote Mr. Teavee: Is it just me, or does Mr. Wonka seem a few quarters short of a buck?
Mr. Salt: I'm sorry, I don't speak American.

View Quote Willy Wonka: An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.
Mike Teavee: Then why's the door so small?
Willy Wonka: That's to keep all the great big chocolatly flavor inside.

View Quote Willy Wonka: People! Those pipes suck up the chocolate and carry it away all over the factory. Thousands of gallons an hour. Yeah. And do you like my meadow? Try the grass. Please have a blade, please do. It's so delectible and so darn good looking.
Charlie Bucket: You can eat the grass?
Willy Wonka: Of course you can. Everything in this room is eatible. Even I'm eatible. But that is called 'cannibalism', my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

View Quote Charlie Bucket: [asking about Violet's gum] Why hold onto it? Why not start a new piece?
Violet Beauregarde: Because then I wouldn't be a champion. I'd be a loser. Like you.

View Quote Willy Wonka: [After the Augustus Gloop song] Bravo! Well done! Well done! Aren't they delightful? Aren't they charming?
Mr. Salt: I do say, that all seemed rather rehearsed.
Mike Teavee: Like they knew it was going to happen.
Willy Wonka: Oh, poppy****.

View Quote Willy Wonka: THAT pipe... it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry flavored chocolate coated fudge.
Mrs. Gloop: Then he will be made into strawberry flavored chocolate coated fudge, they'll be selling him by the pound all over the world...
Willy Wonka: No. I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Could you imagine Augustus flavored chocolate coated Gloop? Eww. No one would buy it.

View Quote Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka, why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song unless they...
Willy Wonka: [interrupts] Improvisation is a parlor trick, anyone can do it. [turns to Violet] You, little girl, Say something. Anything.
Violet Beauregarde: Chewing gum.
Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross / chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Mike Teavee: No, it isn't.
Willy Wonka: Uh, you really shouldn't mumble because I can't understand a word you're saying.

View Quote Charlie Bucket: [as the group moves on from the Chocolate Room] Are the Oompa Loompas really joking, Grandpa?
Grandpa Joe: Of course, they're joking. That boy will be fine.
[just before they walk off, Grandpa Joe's smile turns to a grim expression]

View Quote Violet Beauregarde: What's so funny?
Willy Wonka: It must be from all those dog-gone cocoa beans. By the way, did you guys know that chocolate releases a property which triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [flirtily] You don't say?