Caddyshack quotes

107 total quotes (ID: 110)

Al Czervik
Carl Spackler
Judge Smails
Multiple Characters
Spaulding Smails
Ty Webb

Lacey: Pretty pathetic, Ty.
Ty: Pathetic? Maybe for you, Lacey. For me, there's a subtle perfection in everything I do. I've got my own standards, my own way.
Lacey: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty: Your uncle molests collies. You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.

Lacey: This is your fate line. You're going to make a lot of money when you're older.
Danny: Yeah? When? How?
Lacey: Could be in the market or on a game show. And this is your saliva line.
Danny: What does it tell?
Lacey: [licks Danny's hand] How hot I can get you.

Lacey: You're crazy!
Ty: That's what they said about Son of Sam.

Lou: One announcement. Carl Lipbaum died last week in summer school from a severe anxiety attack.
Motormouth: I heard he swallowed his vomit during a test.
Lou: However it happened, he was a good caddy and a good kid.
Tony: He was a brownnose, Lou! You hated him.
Lou: Shut up! That means the caddy scholarship is available again. Anyone who's interested should go see Judge Smails.
Motormouth: And kiss his ass!
Lou: That would help.

Maggie: I know why you came here tonight.
Danny: Why?
Maggie: That girl. Listen, I'd put that idea right out of your mind. She's been plucked more times than the Rose of Tralee. Biggest whore on Fifth Avenue, I'm told!
Danny: Oh ho ...

Porterhouse: Fifty bucks says the Smails kid picks his nose.
Lou: You're on.
Porterhouse: All right, kid, take your time.
[Spaulding picks his nose]
Lou: Double or nothing he eats it.
Porterhouse: Don't do it, kid!
[Spaulding eats it]
Porterhouse: That kid will eat anything!
Lou: He was hungry.

Sandy [Scottish brougue]: Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course
Carl: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Not golfers, you great git! Gophers, the little brown, furry rodents!
Carl: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.
Sandy: Ayye! Well do it, man!
Carl: OK, but why don't we do the same thing, but with gophers?
[Sandy storms off]
Carl: It's not my fault nobody can understand you.

Spalding: I want a hamburger... no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake...
Judge Smails: You'll get nothing and like it!

Spaulding: Turds! Double turds!
Judge Smails: How many times have I spoken to you about your language?
Spaulding: Sorry, Grandpa, I forgot.

Tony: Another Rob Roy, Bishop?
Bishop: You never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink because it's nobody's goddamn business how many drinks he's had already, right?
Judge Smails: Wrong! You're drinking too much, Your Excellency.
Bishop: "Excellency," fiddlesticks! My name is Fred and I'm just a man, same as you are.
Judge Smails: You're not a man. You're a bishop, for God's sake!
Bishop: There is no God!

Ty: I like you Betty
Danny: It's Danny, sir
Ty: Danny. Danny. I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. All you have to do is get in touch with it. Stop thinking. Let things happen...and be...the ball.

Ty: Is this your place?
Carl: What do you think?
Ty: It's really awful.

Ty: Just be the the the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
Danny: It's kinda hard when you keep talking like that.
Ty: Ok, sorry. I'm not talking now...I've stopped talking...Not talking. Just be the ball.
[Danny hits the ball into the water hazard]
Danny: Where'd it go?
Ty: Right into the lumberyard.

Ty: What brings you to this nape of the woods...neck of the wape? How come you're here?
Lacey: Daddy wanted to broaden me.
Ty: In this place? Good luck!
Lacey: What do you do for excitement?
Ty: Oh, a lot of golf.
Lacey: Golf? Nixon plays golf. I bet you have a lot of interesting stories about your ball landing in the rough.
Ty: So what do you do?
Lacey: I enjoy...skinny-skiing...going to bullfights on acid. I'll bet you've got a lot of nice ties.
Ty: How do you mean?
Lacey: Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
Ty: I've got a good idea. Let's pretend...we're really human beings.

Ty: You've got to win this hole.
Danny: I thought winning wasn't important.
Ty: Me winning isn't! You do!
Danny: Great grammar.
Ty: See your future. Be...your future. Make...make it! Make your future. I'm a veg, Danny.