Sheriff of Malibu: (To The Dude) I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you. Jerk-off.

Answering Machine: Mr Lebowski, this is Bill Salinger of the Southern Cal bowling league. We received an, uh, an informal complaint that a member of your team - a Walter Sobchak? - drew a firearm during league play. If this is true, of course, it contravenes a number of the league's by-laws and also article 27...

One a those days, huh. Wal, a wiser fella than m'self once said, sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar, wal, he eats you.

[Opening lines] Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself The Dude. Now, "Dude", there's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so durned interestin'. They call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels", but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France. And I ain't never seen no Queen in her damned undies, as a fella says. But I'll tell you what... after seein' Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd see in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Saddam and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man – and I'm talkin' about the Dude here – sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude. In Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man – and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide – Sometimes there's a man... Sometimes, there's a man. Ah, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I done introduced him enough.

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pandejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece (reference to Walter's Colt pistol) out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click" (all eight rounds in his fully loaded Colt pistol were fired).

Jesus Quintana: [Talking to the Dude and Walter] Hey! What's this 'day of rest' shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fucking care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not fooling me. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This is bush league psych-out stuff. Laughable, man. Ha ha! I would've fucked you in the ass Saturday. I'll fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Whoo! You got a date Wednesday, baby.

The elder Lebowski: Hello! Do you speak English sir? Parla usted Ingles? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug?

This is a very complicated case, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And uh, lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head.

(after creating a scene in the diner) I'm stayin'!...(picking up mug) I'm finishing my coffee... (takes sip, sets mug down, gently slams fists on counter; grimly)...Enjoying my coffee....

Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That or His Dudeness... Duder... or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing...

Shit, I know that guy. He's a nihilist. Karl Hungus...

Smokey, this isn't Nam, this is bowling. There are rules.

[To camera] 'The Dude abides'. Dunno about you, but I take comfort in those words. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.

Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with The Jesus.

No these are nihilists, Donny. Don't worry they're cowards.