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Best in Show

Best in Show quotes

41 total quotes

Buck Laughlin
Max Berman
Meg Swan
Multiple Characters
Stefan Vanderhoof




View Quote Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact. How does the name "Mayflower" get up to the Quaker City?
View Quote Scott Donlan: She looks like a ****tail waitress on an oil rig.
View Quote Buck Laughlin: Am I nuts? Something's wrong with his feet.
Trevor Beckwith: I never thought I'd find myself saying this, but you're right.
Buck Laughlin: He's got two left feet.
View Quote Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400!
View Quote Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?
View Quote That looks like a fast dog.
View Quote And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.
View Quote I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts.
View Quote I'd hate to go on a date with Judge Edie Franklin and have her judge me, that'd be no fun.
View Quote I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?"
View Quote Thanks a lot, you stupid hotel manager!
View Quote [Yelling at the hotel maid] I know a man who has a van and he will take you back to wherever you came from!
View Quote [after the hotel manager suggests going to the pet store to get a new toy for Beatrice] What are you a wizard? A genius? Why didn't you tell me that before?
View Quote No, that's a bear in a, in a bee costume.
View Quote This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up.