Jonathan: Teddy, I think it's time for you to go to bed.
Teddy: I beg your pardon. Who are you?
Jonathan: I'm Woodrow Wilson. Go to bed!
Teddy: No, you're not Wilson, but your face is familiar. Let me see. You're not anyone I know right now — perhaps later on my hunting trip. Yes, you look like someone I might meet in the jungle.

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!

[to elderly guest] You... Get out of here! D'ya wanna be poisoned? D'ya wanna be murdered? D'ya wanna be killed?

[to Dr. Einstein] Stop underplaying, I can't hear you!

[to his aunts] This is developing into a very bad habit! I don't know if I can explain it to you. It's not only against the law, it's wrong!

Even the cat's in on it!

[on telephone] Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure? [Hangs up] Well, then I must be here.

[to Jonathan] Where did you get that face? Hollywood?

[explaining to Elaine why they shouldn't be married] You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad.

[singing] There is a Happy Dale, far, far away...

[on the telephone] Yes, operator, I'd like the Happy Dale Sanatorium, Happy Dale, New York. Come on, operator, what's taking so long? They're just across the river. I could swim it faster! No, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry. I want the Happy Dale Sanatorium. Sanatorium, sanatorium, sanatorium. Yes, yes, like a broken record. Hello — what? They're busy? Busy? Look, they're busy and you're dizzy. No, I am not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea. [throws down the phone in disgust]

All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.

[trying to make Jonathan leave] Now, here's ten dollars. Why don't you be a good sport and go out and haunt yourself a hotel?

[Meeting with Dr. Gilchrist in the cemetery] Pull up a tombstone!