Cab Driver: I'm not a cab driver. I'm a coffeepot!
Dr. Einstein: Where am I? Oh, here I am.
Dr. Einstein: We got a hot stiff on our hands!
Martha: One of our gentlemen found time to say 'How delicious!' before he died.
Martha: For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.
Police Sgt. Brophy: They're two of the dearest, sweetest, kindest, old ladies that ever walked the earth. They're out of this world. They're like pressed rose leaves.
Reporter: Seems like the same suckers get married everyday.
Abby: Now Mortimer, you behave. You're too old to be flying off the handle like this!
Dr. Einstein: [hat falling across his eyes] Well, I'm off to Panama. Bon voyage!