Young Harvey: I ain't no super hero, lady. I'm just a kid from the neighborhood, all right?

Danielle: [to Harvey] Joyce is right. You are obsessive-compulsive.

[referring to David Letterman] Megalomaniac.

[regarding "Revenge of the Nerds"] Yes, I consider myself a nerd. And this movie has uplifted me.

Mr. Boats: Avoid the reeking herd! Shun the polluted flock! Live like that stoic bird, the eagle of the rock!" You know what that means, son?
Harvey: Yeah. It's from an Elinor Hoyt Wylie poem. It means stay away from the crowds of common ordinary people and do your own thing.
Mr. Boats: Nope, it means don't compromise yourself for women. Ain't gonna do you no good. Get away from them as soon as you can!
Harvey: Well, I ain't got no woman now. So I'm living like the stoic bird, man.
Mr. Boats: The only way to live, son.
Mattress Guy 1: So how smart is she?
Mattress Guy 2: I don't know. I guess she's about average.
Mattress Guy 1: Average? Hey, man. Average is dumb!
Joyce: Hi, Harvey. We finally meet in person.
Harvey: Hiya. Look, before we get started with any of this, you might as well know right off the bat. I had a vasectomy.
Joyce: Harvey, go get me water and a few aspirin.
Harvey: What, you got a headache?
Joyce: No, but I want to avoid one.

[to Harvey] You know, you should try believing in something bigger than yourself. It might cheer you up.

Harvey, we better skip this whole courtship thing and just get married.

Hope Davis -- Joyce Brabner

Crumb: You turned yourself into a comic hero?

Hamburgers are a safer addiction than drugs. Say no to drugs. Say yes to White Castle.

I've had enough bad experiences and growth to last me plenty...Right now, I'd be glad to trade some growth for happiness.

Danielle Batone -- Real Danielle

Real Harvey: It seemed that real, salt of the earth people like Toby and me were being co-opted by these huge corporations. We were getting held up and ridiculed as losers in the system. What can I say, it was the '80s, man.

Harvey Pekar -- Real Harvey

Earl Billings -- Mr. Boats