American Pie quotes

40 total quotes

Jim
Jim's Dad
Multiple Characters
Steve Stifler

View Quote Stifler's Mom: [Laughs] Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Finch?
Finch: Yes Ma'am, I am.
[Stifler's Mom gestures in another direction. Finch looks at pool table and back to Stifler's Mom.]
Stifler's Mom: You're dead.

View Quote Stifler: [at the library, talking to Jim] **** me! there's gonna be eastern european chick naked in your house, and you're not gonna do anything about that?
Jim: What am I gonna do, broadcast it over the Internet?
Stifler: [awed at Jim's suggestion] Yeah.
Kevin: [looks at Stifler and Jim] you can do that?

View Quote [while looking at a picture of Stifler's mom]
MILF Guy #2: Dude, chick's a MILF!
MILF Guy #1: What the hell is that?
MILF Guy #2: M-I-L-F Mom I'd Like to ****!
MILF Guy #1: Yeah dude! Yeah!
MILF Guys: MILF, MILF, MILF! [MILF Guy #1 proceeds to lick picture]

View Quote Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?

View Quote Kevin: [after Stifler drinks the tainted beer] Hey Stifler, how's the man chowder? ('pale ale' in TV edit)
Steve Stifler: **** you!

View Quote Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, ****! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.

View Quote Kevin: [watching Jim and Nadia over the Internet] Oh he's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.

View Quote Nadia: so umm "shaved" is the expression.[Nadia takes off her panties, and Jim is agape.]
Jim: Holy shit.
Finch: Holy shit!
Garage Band Members (Tom Delonge, Mark Hoppus, Travis Barker of w:Blink 182): [together] Holy shit.
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically laughs] Holy shit!
Stifler's Brother (7 years): this is like the coolest thing i've ever seen.
Steve Stifler: I know.

View Quote Steve Stifler: Hey Kev, seen Shit-break lately?
Kevin: Why? what did you do to him?
Steve Stifler: Me? Nothing. I'm the one whose ass he kicked, remember? Here's one thing I know, Shit-break won't have a problem shitting at school anymore. Slipped a little something into his moccachino. [smirks while showing a jar of laxatives]

View Quote Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]