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American Pie

American Pie quotes

40 total quotes

Jim
Jim's Dad
Multiple Characters
Steve Stifler




View Quote We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.
View Quote [to Jim] Now, do you know what a clitoris is?
View Quote Finch: God bless the Internet.
View Quote Garage Band Member: Go trig boy, it's your birthday.
View Quote Michelle: Oh! And this one time... at band camp... I stuck a flute in my pussy!
Jim: [taking a drink then realizes what she said and spits it out] Excuse me?
Michelle: What? You think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cuz I'm getting kind of antsy!
View Quote Steve Stifler: You actually said that? [laughs hysterically]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Shut up!
Jim: You did better than me Nova.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud.
Steve Stifler: You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie. [shouts] Suck me, beautiful!
[walks off, laughing]
View Quote [After watching Oz in choir practice]
Steve Stifler: What did you ****s do to him?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve Stifler: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!
View Quote Vicky: I want it to be the right time, the right place.
Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex.
View Quote Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?
View Quote Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: [On being sensitive] All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler: I dunno man, sounds like a lot of work!
View Quote Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: Guys! I'm serious!
View Quote Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
Jim: Michelle! Michelle.
View Quote Jim's Dad: [talking about masturbation] It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball. You want a partner, don't you, son?
Jim: Oh yeah, Dad. I want a partner.
Jim's Dad: Good. Good. That's very good.
View Quote Vicky: [whispers during exam] Kevin? Kevin?
Kevin: What?
Vicky: I wanna have sex.
Kevin: Now?! [loud voice attracts seatmates]
Vicky: Prom.
View Quote Vicky: [discussing Kevin difficulties saying he love her] Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know even if he can't say it he does. And yeah, he always talk about sex, but that's ok cause he's a guy, right?
Jessica: He got a dick, he's a guy.
Vicky: Right.