Jim's Dad quotes

I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

[On condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...

We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.

[to Jim] Now, do you know what a clitoris is?

  »   More Quotes from
  »   Back to the