Joey: Mr. Morgan, do you think you could get Kat to take her Midol before she comes to class?
Mr. Morgan: Someday, you gonna get bitch-slapped, and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it.

Kat Stratford: (after crashing Joey's car) Whoops!
(Cut to The Stratford's house)
Walter Stratford: Whoops?! My insurance does not cover PMS!
Kat Stratford: Well the tell them I had a siezure

Kat: I just need to lie down somewhere
Patrick: Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to sleep
Kat: Sleep is good
Patrick: Yeah. Not if you have a concussion.

Kat: You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know.
Patrick: Yeah I know. But then you know there's always drums, and bass, and maybe even one day a tambourine.

Kat: You're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke.
Patrick: I know, I quit. Apparently they're bad for you.
Kat: You think?!

Kat: You're so patronising.
Patrick: Leave it to you to use big words when you're smashed.
Kat: I don't think so.
Patrick: Okay...
Kat: Why are you doing this?
Patrick: I told you. You may have a concussion.
Kat: You don't care if I never wake up.
Patrick: Sure I do.
Kat: Why?
Patrick: Because, well then, I'd have to start taking out girls who actually like me.
Kat: Like you could find one.
Patrick: Ooh, see that, there? Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?

Michael: Okay I talked to her, I got the scoop.
Cameron: What'd she say?
Michael: "Hates him with the fire of a thousand suns." That's a direct quote.
Patrick: Thanks Michael. That's very comforting of you.

Michael: Sweet love, renew thy force.
Patrick: Don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.

Mr. Morgan: I know how difficult it must be to overcome all those years of upper middle-class suburban oppression. Must be tough. But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better... lunch meat, or whatever you white girls complain about, ask them WHY they can't buy a book written by a black man!
White Rastas: That's right mon!
Mr. Morgan: Don't even get me started on you two!
White Rastas: No problem mon!

Ms. Perky: Patrick Verona. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual.
Patrick: Only so we can have these moments together. Should I, uh, hit the lights?
Ms. Perky: Oh, very clever, kangaroo boy. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?
Patrick: I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst.
Ms. Perky: Bratwurst? Aren't we the optimist? Next time, keep it in your pouch, okay? Now scoot!

Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.

Ms. Perky: So, I hear you've been terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class... again.
Kat: Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action.
Ms. Perky: The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested.
Kat: I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls.

Patrick: Not a big talker, are you?
Kat: Depends on the subject. My fenders don't exactly whip me into a verbal frenzy.

Patrick: So what's your excuse?
Kat: For?
Patrick: Acting the way we do.
Kat: I don't like to do what people expect. Why should I live up to other people's expectations instead of my own?
Patrick: So you disappoint them from the start and then you're covered, right?
Kat: Something like that...
Patrick: Then you screwed up.
Kat: How?
Patrick: You never disappointed me.

Patrick: Someone still has her panties in a twist.
Kat: Don't think for one minute that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.
Patrick: Well then, what did I have an effect on?
Kat: Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.