Buisnessman
Listen, I am really late for a hotel opening downtown, the Wallbridge hotel.
I understand sir. I know the neighborhood inside and backwards. We will not let them stop us.
Buisnessman
What?
You Don't Mess with the Zohan quotes
Michael Whoa, what are you, bionic?
No, no, no, I only like the girls. Thanks anyways.
Palestinian immigrant
People hate us. They think we're terrorists.
Israeli immigrant
People hate us, too. They think we're you.
The Phantom (commercial) Everybody's running to Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen! for the food that heroes eat. Kubeh, sambousek, delicious Muchentuchen! You never know who you meet! You are going to get spoiled. ALLAH!!!!!
Executive
Was that your feet? [gets kicked again]
Yes, it was the feet. The feet uppercut!
Clerk
[Salim and his pals go to a medical store to get liquid nitroglycerin to kill Zohan.]
So, how can I help you gentlemen?
Salim [takes out paper from pocket and reads]
We wants lee-khwa-heed kny-troha-gesawin!
Clerk
I beg your pardon? [Salim repeats the words] Uh, I think I have some over here [places a box of Neosporin in front of them] There you go. This is the large container.
Salim This work?
Clerk
Yes, it works fine.
Salim You use?
Oli Ballsack.
Clerk
Yes, from time to time. Sure!
Salim [smiling at his friends and then whispering to the clerk]
We take twelve!
I bang your mother one more time, then we go disco.
I just want to make hair silky-smooth.
I like hair. It's pleasant. It's peaceful. No one gets hurt.
I like this, being inside the outside.
It's nice to have a little talk before the Bang-Boom.
You know, you shouldn't jump around when this nice woman is holding a sharp pair of scissors. If you move she could slip and slice your jugular vein, on accident. There is no way to stitch the jugular. All of your blood will be on the floor in four minutes. I have seen this. I have done this. You don't want this.