Alexandra Medford I don't think that men are the answer to everything.
Sukie Ridgemont
No.
Jane Spofford
Then why do we always end up talking about them?
2nd most-quoted character in The Witches of Eastwick (1987): in 5 of its 11 quotes
Most scenes with: Daryl Van Horne (3)
Scenes with Alexandra Medford
5 scenes Alexandra Medford
Sukie Ridgemont
[constructing their ideal man]
Huge.
Jane Spofford
I prefer small.
Sukie Ridgemont
Oh, yeah, right...
Jane Spofford
No, no, no, Sam was huge, and there were times when I just could not face it.
Alexandra Medford Really? Well, I'm sort of in the middle myself. But hey, as long as it works, it's in.
Sukie Ridgemont, Alexandra Medford, Jane Spofford It's in.
[they clink glasses]
Of course, I wouldn't know a snowy egret if I were pissing on one. Lunch?
Alexandra Medford I think it's a little late in the season.
For lunch?
Alexandra Medford No, pissing on birds.
I see men running around, trying to put their dicks into everything, trying to make something happen. But it's women who are the source, the only power. Nature. Birth. Rebirth. Cliché. Cliché, sure, but true.
Alexandra Medford Why are you telling me this?
Because you're an honest woman and I'm being honest with you. [he stands] I like women. I admire them. But if you want me to treat you like a dumb twit, I will. But what's the point? You have brains, Alex, more than brains. And you don't even know it, do you? Well, most women do not.
Alexandra Medford Are you married?
Good question! You see? Brains. The answer is no. I don't believe in it. Good for the man. Lousy for the woman. She dies. She suffocates. I've seen it. And then the husband runs around complaining to everyone that he's **** a dead person. And he's the one who killed her. [laughs] Where is your husband?
Alexandra Medford Dead.
Well, sorry, but you're one of the lucky ones. When a woman unloads a husband, or a husband unloads a woman, however it happens - death, desertion, divorce - the three D's - when that happens, a woman blooms. She blossoms. Like flowers. Like fruit. She is ripe. That's the woman for me. [he lights a cigar] Would you like to see my house?...In case anybody ever needed any exercise, the uh, pool's right over there, past the piano, where the, uh, ballroom used to be. Interesting word - 'ballroom.'... And, uh, over there is, uh, my study. Ah, this is my bedroom...The Borgias once owned the bed. Of course, you have to pay for it with your soul, but, uh, what the hell, I deserve a little luxury. You have to take care of yourself. No one's gonna do that for you, are they, hmm? [he reclines on the bed]
Alexandra Medford What is it that you think you're doing?
Being as direct with you as I know how. I thought you might appreciate it. And, uhm, anyway, I always like a little pussy after lunch. Whaddya say?
Alexandra Medford Are you trying to seduce me?
I wouldn't dream of seducing you, Alexandra. I wouldn't insult your intelligence with anything as trivial as seduction. But, uh, I would love to **** you.
Alexandra Medford Well, you know, I have to admit that I appreciate your directness, Daryl. And I will try and be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be. Uh, I think - no, I-I am positive that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually ****. You're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid. You have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're, you're not even interesting enough to make me sick.
Uhm, would you like to be on the top or the bottom?
Alexandra Medford Good-bye Daryl, and thank you for a lovely lunch.
Alexandra Medford Who are you?
Just your average, horny little devil.
